On Wednesday I was cranky. I was sore from my exercising and I was tired. The sun was shining so I dressed for warm weather. As usual, I was sweaty from hot flashes and then freezing all day because it wasn't as warm as I thought. Most of the patients I had to see were new and this made me even crankier. I needed to see warm and familiar faces. I wasn't ready for new problems, unknown territory, unfamiliar houses. The first two patients weren't home and after calling and traveling to their homes and finding the houses shuttered and locked, I crawled back into my car with the start of that tired unproductive feeling I really can't stand.

The next patient answered the phone and agreed to a visit. All I knew about this patient was that she had Alzheimer's disease. I was on my way through a neighborhood with boarded up houses and empty trash strewn lots. I started mumbling to myself about the litter and this and that. As I parked, a group of black men from the corner walked over to my car. I held my mace in its ready position. They commented on my car and were very polite. I relaxed a bit. The front door of the house was covered with plastic to shield the house from the cold. I rang the bell. I imagined a lady without any help in a house that was way too much for her to handle. I imagined a big mess inside.

A young girl answered the door. I entered a beautiful, clean, well kept, modern home. I was surprised. She told me the patient was upstairs, to go right up. As I climbed the stairs, I heard the patter of footsteps like a toddler running around. At the top of the stairs we met eye to eye. He was about 3 with a pacifier stuck in his mouth and big black eyes with whites so white they reminded me of a checkerboard. His face was wet with tears. Of course I thought of neglect or abuse or something bad. Remember, I was cranky and I see so much of this stuff it becomes second nature to expect it. I found the patient wandering around her bedroom dressed in a bra and a slip, she was smiling and happy and seemed to be doing something she was unaware of...looking for something she couldn't remember what it was she was looking for...

Quinn, her 12 year old nephew was there, and her sister Mary. Quinn was helping her to get dressed. Her sister was cleaning out a closet. Julian, the three year old, was pattering around through the upstairs trying to catch the cat and was crying because he wanted to hold him. After Quinn dressed my patient, Lillie, he took Julian out of the room to allow us some quiet to talk and get through our first visit assessment. I made a few discoveries and offered some assistance to which Mary was most grateful and Lillie smiled and stroked my hand as if I was a delicate flower.

I was dumb struck. Mostly to watch this little boy be a well trained caretaker to his great aunt (his grandmother's sister). He was responsible and kind. He worked not as a laborer who was treated unkindly but with familial love and comradeship. He removed a lunch tray from the bedside to bring down to be washed. After he washed the dishes (I heard him in the kitchen) he was back upstairs to check on Julian. He treated Lillie and Julian with gentleness and love. He spoke to his grandmother with respect and kindness. He was dressed in pants and a short sleeve polo shirt that were ironed and clean.

As I left Julian walked me to the door and told me to have a nice day. I told him what a nice kid he seemed to be and he was very impressive. He thanked me and said goodbye.

I just know he will be a nice man some day. I truly hope he picks the opportunities to make something even better out of his life. He already has the character for it.

They say if you put all your friends together you come up with yourself. HA!

I really do think this is true. Some of my friends and I have so very little in common, yet that one commonality is what glues us together.

My friends: and how we are alike.

Diane: Our occasional obsessiveness with exercise and fitness discussions, shopping, love of facials and massages. We like to let our hair down (she has lots of it: literally). We both really enjoy the socialization of friendship and restaurant hopping. We are neighborhood girls, live on the same street and share the same type of home enjoyment. Old neighborhood conversations come up too and are fun to keep up on. Strong. Independent.We both have tons of energy and do about a million things in a day. We rush and are quick....then about one day a month we crash on our beds and can't get up.

Lisa: High School Memories...we were teenagers together and I still feel like we are those same people when I am with her.We both try to raise our kids to a higher level while being casual about kid things. We like naps, are serious readers, enjoy intelligent and psychological conversations, are dog lovers, love to be in love, and we both are romantic people.

Angela: yes we do have something in common, not much, but some things. Basically we are South Philly girls. Our children take up tons of our energy, and time (we both have 4). We think about kids first and everything else is second. Work takes up too much of our time. We are sensitive, like to talk and talk, analyze life's situations, try to understand ourselves and our lives, and at a deep level hold value in our friendships with our girlfriends. Sitting and talking (and eating) is very relaxing to us. I enjoy Angela's calm nature and her way she "takes time" with whatever it is she is doing (this way we are opposite as I rush a lot but I am trying to be more like this). We both are blond (with the help of Nicole/our hairdresser)! Lots of it! lol. Opinionated.

Dana: goal oriented, maintains a traditional family household, responsible (she is the most responsible person I know besides my mother), idealistic about children, separation anxiety is still an issue, we both have crazy sisters! Another blond Italian. Strong. Opinionated. Devoted Catholic.

Arlene: city lovers, clothes are an obsession, we truly love food and restaurants and movies and actually have the same taste and preference. We love the culture of the city: shows, music, people. We are not afraid to show our uniqueness and creative side. She makes me want to be a red head again!

Rosina: She is even more sensitive than me! (If you can believe that one). We both are not afraid to cry or show our emotional side. We value our heritage and culture. We understand and prefer Italian men because we know how nice it is to "jive" that way. We have a conservative political view but deep down want to empathize with some liberal emotional issues. We accept and learn from other friend's non traditional lifestyles. We love Oprah. We love to read. Like same movies (except Life is Beautiful...I still can't believe you didn't just love it). Friends are like family. We both have the cutest 9 year old boys that we so get a kick out of and see through our hearts and souls as well as our eyes. We are both trying not to eat pasta...which is INSANE! and we know it. We think we can communicate on a different (?higher) level with others and even with those who have passed. Religion is mystical and important to us. Saints are admired. We like to have a large variety of friends. We like our friends to be your friends.

Liz: High School friends. We are at the most basic level the same. Family and our children are most important. We like to keep a hold of our old friends because we really do understand how much we mean to each other, our lives and our children's lives. These friendships are extremely important and feel more like family. Readers. Dog lovers. Our husbands are from the same mold/high school/culture/neighborhood. We maintain a traditional family that we are very proud of and cherish. We are hard workers and think there is no job we wouldn't do if we had to do it. We like nice vacations. Strong. We both have the burden of being married to men who are very attractive to other women! lol. Poor OTHER women...cry your eyes out.

Rita: same as above (sorry RI...I am getting tired of typing)
We outwardly "worship" our husbands...maybe that is a strong word but you know what I mean. We both do it shamelessly....remember we live in Disney World. We are trying to remain young and carefree. We are happy and smiley. We are practical and hopeful. Sweet.I think we both feel like we are living a dream sometimes. Dog lover.

Kim: We both wear our hearts on our sleeves.... Kim scrapes the bottom of her soul and tatooes it's ashes on her arm never to be removed, her's is with her forever...mine, like an old shirt, can be removed and thrown in the washer. We break everything down to a basic level to analyze and pick apart. We think way too much. We both dream in ideal settings. We both can be disappointed because our expectations are way too high for real life. We are high school friends. We love to have fun and can be a bit crazy. We both like clean houses but really don't like to clean. We both have 13 year old sons who we love with affection. We are hard workers and do not naturally depend on someone else to fully support us (in our minds)...in other words we take responsibility for our ourselves. We both like to drink! We are basically sweet and good people. We are not afraid to have short hair! We speak our minds, albeit, a bit too much at times.

Lou: O.k. he is family, but he wasn't until I begged him to be!...lol
We both have the same family values as far as maintaining a traditional family lifestyle for our kids. We both believe in a home cooked dinner every night. We believe in talking and imposing on our children. We feel that time spent with family is more important than advancing in our professions, or careers or work. We love the city. We like to sit and talk about everything and anything. We are interested in healthy good food and exercise and fitness. We analyze most situations to the point of ridiculousness. We appreciate history and love our country. WE are Bush supporters and are not afraid of those who disagree. We value education as well as hard work. We both think video games are the ruination of our young society. We love music and appreciate art and architecture. We think of each other as "our other half". We are a team. We've known each other for most of our lives and somehow that doesn't seem strange at all. We believe in staying close to family and friends (geographically and emotionally). We are both honest and helpful and generous with ourselves and our time to family, friends, and strangers.
We believe in allowing our kids to be independent and responsible for what they want, what they believe and their actions. We both hope our kids grow up and live in the same neighborhood as we do.

I cannot write anymore...
also, I did not include any family members because I feel like family members were given to me...friends are the people I chose...for some reason...and those are the reasons.

How can a week of no cookies, ice cream, cake, bread, pizza, or chocolate and very little sugar and only 1 cup of pasta NOT MOVE the needle on that scale...It must be stuck. I have to see if I can get someone to fix it...seems like the scale at the gym is stuck too...they don't make things the way they used to!

It is true...I am no lighter but I feel good. My muscles are sore but I feel them which makes me know they exist...and the soreness isn't like runner's soreness...this is more specific. I did the Pilates classes and the yoga class this week...very, very, very good stretch and Pilates really works your abdominals...I really didn't think I still had any abs. I thought they all turned to fat at about 40.I feel limber and stretched out which I like.

I am eating good food and more of it so I guess that is the reason for the scale problem. I think it will eventually work out.

Todays breakfast:

whipped low fat cottage cheese
fresh strawberries
1/2 tsp of no sugar cherry jam
flax seed
3 walnuts
drizzle (very little) honey

3 ounces OJ
coffee with milk (only used small amount of sugar in first cup and I realized I do not even need it anymore)craving is gone! amazing.

This is high in protein low in fat.

this week's goals:

more vegetables
add brown rice
no sugar at all
decrease alcohol (I skipped last 2 nights of my routine glass of wine)...it is supposed to help reduce hot flashes...so far it isn't working on that but must be better for my diet...a few glasses a week instead of one every night and a couple on the weekend should be good enough for my heart (red wine is excellent for your heart)(increases HDL's)
increase salmon
continue no deserts, bread, pizza, very little pasta

exercise is: efx 3 x week (45-60 minutes / 5-7 miles); pilates 2 x week, yoga 2-3 x week), weights 2 x week...walking group is still getting it's act together...I say 9 pm meet on my step T/TH/F/Su and whoever is there will walk FAST (start your engine Angela) for 1 hour. RSVP!

Remember: the older you are (under 70)(over 35) the more you need to exercise...(can't wait till 70!) (kidding)

ok..anybody else keeping up with me??????

I'd rather my children never eat those chemicals they dare call ice cream but there is something about "Mister Softie" I cannot resist.

This past week I've been hearing the sweet song of the "Mister Softie" truck about 6 pm..just after dinner.

When I was a kid we would all be playing outside on our small street crammed with parked cars: jail break, stick ball, tag, etc... We had lots of kids on the street; some were my good friends and others were just kids. Most of the houses had moms at home. Lights were on in the kitchens, dishes clanged together, T.V.'s hummed through the windows while dads snored on the sofas. Some of the older neighbors sat on little pillows on their highly regarded cement steps. I ran around until I was all sweaty and sometimes had that black line of sweat dirt caked in the creases of my neck. I loved playing like that; running, sweating, trying to win, winning, and even losing. Losing meant you'd take a break for five minutes until the next game started. We had fun and lots of fights too. Some of the neighbors hated us and would shoo us away from their steps. Meanies. When the weather allowed us to finally leave our jackets and sweaters in the closet we'd start to hear the ice cream truck jingle. The games would abruptly end and all the kids would run home to get some money for the truck. There was always a long line; I could barely wait to get to the front as I witnessed the other kids lick and spoon and gobble pure white softness or creamy smooth cold chocolate into their mouths. Your turn meant decisions: single or double, jimmes or no jimmes and on occasion a small sundae with nuts and hot fudge.

I remember how good it was and how exciting it was to hear that xylophone jingle.

How can I tell my son he can't have any Mister Softie?

Tonight after dinner he heard the truck and asked for it. "O.K." I said. He ran out the door but the truck was already around the corner. "The truck is on Leo's Street, Can I go?" he asked. "Get your shoes on"! I said.

He scrambled for his shoes and ran out the door as he grabbed the money out of my hand. The truck was turning the corner. He sprinted across the park but as he approached the edge the truck was speedily going into the shopping area that was off limits to my son. He put his hands up to the sky to show me he didn't make it. I mimicked him. He walked back and asked if he could stay outside a while. He wasn't upset. He got his dad to have a catch with the football. There are not many kids on my block. Our street is spacious and the park across the street is trying to sprout some greenery. The truck doesn't linger as long as there aren't many kids playing outside after having dinner with their family. Oh well..there is always tomorrow.

It IS spring. Somewhere in the distance I can hear the ice cream jingle.

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.