The first time I met Ernestine, four years ago when she was 93, I entered a large, cozy home that was a bit messy. The large front step opened into a beautifully tiled vestibule of earth colors that reminded me of the desert with beveled glass french doors that opened into the living room. There was an organ for church music playing and a large blue tapestry sofa. A couple of tables and comfortable chairs accommodated visitors or Ernestine while she read through the mail or other reading material. There were many "thank you" letters from charities and organizations such as Animal Rights and various religious groups. Ernestine is deeply devoted to her religion and to the less fortunate. A dining room held book shelves and a large table, a china cabinet and server. The next room was set up with a small single bed and armoire, TV, and bureau just for times when she wanted to nap after lunch. She was able to use the stairs and would sleep upstairs at night. The kitchen was in the back and was cozy and warm. Ernestine NEEDS to be warm. She always has on a sweater. Her heat is always running. She loves the sun. Her stove is the type that has pilots that are always running and this keeps her warm while she sits at the table. A washer is also in the kitchen. She loves this house as it is the one in which she grew up. Her mother and father bought it and made it her home. She was an only child. She was never married and never had children. Ernestine was always dressed in a nice outfit layered with an extra sweater. She always was groomed and took care in her appearance. She always noticed an attractive blouse or pin or scarf I was wearing.
I am always apprehensive when I first visit a patient because I do not know the situation of the house. I do not know if there are other people living there or coming in and out. I like to know who is around mostly for safety reasons and also to plan the care to be initiated for the patient.
I asked if she lived alone. She said, "yes". I asked if she prepared her own meals. She said, "yes, you just found me fixing a bit of lunch for my house guest". I was surprised. I looked around. "Oh, do you have a boarder"? (Many of my patients do rent rooms out for extra money) She giggled. "I guess you can call him that"! "Is he upstairs?" I asked. "No, he is right in there". She was gesturing toward the living room. I thought she had dementia. "Where"? I said.
"In here", as she walked toward the vestibule with the beautiful tiles. I suspected a mouse. Oh no. I hesitated to follow her as I watched her place a small dish of shredded lettuce at the corner of the floor. Camouflaged with the houseplants was a large grasshopper. She squealed as the tentacles moved and his legs brought him closer to his lunch. She was delighted.
This is pretty much how Ernestine has been ever since I first met her. She delights in simple and ordinary offerings of life loud and clear. She made me less serious and more carefree especially about allowing grasshoppers into the house.
She cannot climb those stairs now. She wears oxygen constantly. She no longer dresses in coordinated outfits. She usually has on a nightgown with a heavy sweater and thermal socks. Her hair now stands on end and her glasses are lopsided as they are slightly bent on one side. She has a caretaker 7 days a week and her "adopted nephew" stays there most nights. She still has a wide smile on her face when I arrive. She talks about animals she sees on the news or reads about in the paper.(I promised to bring my dog there for a visit and the aides tell me she talks about this all the time). She loves to eat. She is 78 lbs. but has the appetite of a Sumo wrestler. I sometimes bring her gravy and pasta and she slurps up the liquid with a spoon closing her eyes and describing the taste as magnificent.
Sometimes I wonder why God keeps her in the world. She really isn't suffering but everything she does is an effort. Getting out of her bed is done in slow increments. She cannot do anything for herself without assistance. She takes her pills as she is told because she knows if she doesn't her lungs fill up with fluid and she cannot breathe. On medication her heart rate is a steady 65. I have never seen her in a bad mood. She keeps Bibles on several tables in the house and refers to them throughout the day. She is not preachy but she is kind and blesses me every time I visit in a friendly and inviting way. The girls who come in to help her during the day are as enthralled with her as I am and marvel at her good nature. She appreciates every little thing you do for her and eats anything that is put in front of her giving thanks to God and her caretakers. Today there was a new girl there because her regular aide, Nancy, was sick.
Amara is Indian. Her hair is as shiny as a wet blacktop street and looks as soft as silk. Her eyes reminded me of the canned black olives that come in small, medium and large: pitted or with pits. She has a perfect nose with a definite point at the tip. She is thin and gentle. She wore a black and white warm up suit that complimented her skin tone that is darker than Ernestine (who is black). She is exquisitely beautiful. I could picture her in a sari with those little copper instruments attached to her fingers. Or sitting in a yoga pose on a high mountain top. I wondered how she got to be a home health aide. She was smiling and I could tell Ernestine touched her heart as well. Loud and clear.
I have been taught through reading and researching and attending mass that God's whole purpose for us is to find Him. Our lives and the things that happen to us are meant to bring us closer to Him. I guess he still has a purpose for Ernestine because whoever is around her feels blessed and special. She makes me feel like a good and wonderful person. I know I am good person, at least I try to be one. I try to be kind and compassionate. But it is easy for me: I am healthy, have a great family, a good job, energy, a forseeable future and had a great childhood. I have hobbies and interests and goals. I have everything I want. I do not suffer pain or dependence. I am able to do things for other people and that makes me feel better. But do I make other people feel like they are good and wonderful? Ernestine does it just by her smile, just by the way she looks you directly in the eyes: she sees through you and she transfers her smile and goodness onto your soul. When she looks at me it is like she sees something and allows me to see it too. Every time I am there I am encouraged to "spread the goodness", and be a better person. Then again, like I said, that is easy for me.
Making other people feel good and wonderful the way she does must be my goal. That is a bit harder to do. What for? Because Ernestine sends that message loud and clear. Why does God keep her in the world? What for? Probably to keep sending that message. It seems to be so because everyone who meets her gets it. Loud and clear.
When I left today she said to me "God bless you and your family Debbie. Have a wonderful Easter. I really love you". She said it loud and clear and I left her house crying but feeling good and special.
