The casino is the hardest place to really "see people". Nothing is as it seems.

We were encased in marble and stone and original artwork. The luxurious spa had us believing, for just a few minutes, we could never settle for less. Our eyes adjusted to the retail shops price tags. As the huge glass doors closed me into the pool area my nostrils stung and my eyes felt a bit gritty from the intentional clean smelling chlorine air. I thought about all the kids in the pool and wondered how many germs have survived? I do like the underwater aloneness and clear music as I tried to hold my breath for a few seconds. Clearly this takes practice.

Our minds boggled at the intensity of effort that went into building this resort. Step by step, how was it done? I shivered and looked around. Fluffy white towels were laundered for us and their use was not limited. I eyed a man reading a New York newspaper against a portly hairy abdomen. His thick gold bracelet and manicured fingers made me think "mob" but as I discreetly moved my eyes around the room, while keeping my head still, I found no agents or body guards; just a very confused caterpillar making his way around a transplanted palm tree. FBI, KGB, CSI, etc.. I thought of all those letters like long forgotten phone numbers.

The lure of this luxury makes you want to stay a few minutes. Going back to a trailer park life must be so hard for some that this atmosphere convinces them to try their luck at the card tables. High rollers relax in between winning and losing. I sulk about losing $40.00 in the slot machines. I thought trying was fun and almost required and I left knowing my life, as it is, was meant to be. Walking through the controlled temperature casino floor with lights blaring and bells jingling I noticed many, many canes, wheelchairs and slow moving individuals. They were all smiling. I wondered what they'd do with a large winning at 85 years old? Why, exactly, were they smiling? Is life all about having a little fun?

The high end restaurants serve exhausted looking patrons in shorts and tee shirts clearly here as an afterthought. Vacationers were evident as the giggling and excited chatter was the same in many different languages.

We ate, and drank and got to concentrate on each other for a few days. We welcomed the sun as it knocked the clouds out of the sky and shone bright and hot and fortified us.

Atlantic City's boardwalk is filled with people from all walks of life. I find people watching here fun and interesting.

Now, as I sit at my computer to write some of these tangled thoughts out of my mind, I ready myself to work and cook and clean and exercise. As I swim through the waters of my day, there are others lurching forward with their walkers to the next singing slot machine, there are others swimming in the pool that seems germ free, there are palm trees missing their tropical homes. There is someone winning a fortune that they will leave with the casino and someone else who will run home with it. There is someone else distraught about their losings.

Metaphorically, the casino really is as real life.

Do we think differently about our spouses, our children, our parents, our friends and even our religion depending on our luck? Can and do our surroundings trick us? Deep down are we all basically the same? We are as we seem or are we nothing like we seem? Is surrounding ourselves with a bit of luxury every now and then a good thing? Do we need to take life out of perspective to really see it for what it really is?

That is what vacations are about: losing our ingrained perspective of life for a few days. Freeing ourselves. Pretending. Appreciating. Contemplating. Enjoying.

Then, it is back to reality, back to real life. Sometimes, that is a good thing.

In Atlantic City on the boardwalk there is a memorial for the veterans of the Korean War. There are bronze sculptures that are beautiful and a wall full of names.

At the top it says "Freedom is not Free".
I think we all should remember that.

My laundry list of things to do is much publicized so I am taking a moment to relish in my indulgences.

My life is not really hard, it is busy. I have lots of cleaning and laundry and chores. I work and shop and arrange some of my kid's schedules but I also enjoy my family immensely.

We spend great moments at the dinner table most nights. We laugh at each other and watch some shows together. We run around the city to and fro and we encourage the sports and music and even the small hobbies like drawing and card collections.

I am over indulgent with sleep..most days being the last one up. It is my "queen bee" moment. I read all that I can and indulge in the products I need to cook what I want, therefore eating very well. Time is allowed for movies. I spend time almost every single day exercising and taking care of myself. My kids and husband know and agree these are all necessities. Bike riding and my Mini Cooper add some excitement to my zipping around.

Chocolate is an indulgence I try to control.
My dog is a gift. I am grateful.
Reading is very necessary and enjoyable to me. Writing time is cherished...every single minute.

Life is GOOD.

Graduation was these past two days. My son's school had a baccalaureate mass on Thursday afternoon and then a graduation ceremony on Friday morning. We had a nice dinner here Friday night for the family.

Surprisingly, I didn't spurt gushes of tears. It all seemed just right. My oldest son is exactly where he should be and my one wish is that he is happy and safe as he continues on that carved path of his own. He seemed happy but not emotional ...not surprising..being concerned with the parties and celebrations. He received two academic awards (one of the top 25 boys in the class) and the Gold award for Band; he plays the saxophone. He is planning to go to Temple University in September as a pharmacy major. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I remember the feeling at graduation. I felt free at last. Now, I wonder if his freedom is starting or ending. I guess that depends on how you look at it and in what context it is thought.
I wonder if he is free from the ties that bind him or if the chains of life are starting to wrap around his ankles like the snakes of hell curling about his legs. He needs to know how to step around these snakes, how to avoid the overwhelming expectations and stress of life. Some people can even slice the heads off those reptiles and be free forever, at least in their minds.

He is the first son and the first grandchild. There are many more to go; that thought is staggering.

I was able to take a couple of days off from work to prepare and cook and enjoy the ceremonies. His school is a neighborhood high school. My husband and I went to the same high school (it is now a combination of both our schools). We know many of the kids and their families and even the teachers. It definitely is special.

My mom was here for the mass and then again all day on friday and helped me with all the preparations for the dinner.
We prepared grilled vegetables: eggplant, fennel, peppers, onions, clams and spaghetti, grilled langostine (lou did that), prusciutto/mozzarella/eggplant/olive pannini and capicola/arugula/cheese pannini, skewars of apple sausage and shrimp and chorizio sausage and shrimp, and a large spinach salad with gorgonzola cheese. Wine and beer and homemade iced tea washed it all down. Chocolate cake from the local bakery and coffee was dessert.

Everyone ate and talked and marveled how time is going.

We all talked about our weekend plans and our next get together is Father's Day Dinner at my house at the shore. More goodies to cook.

My little son made plans with his cousins.

My husband and I will spend a couple of days at the Borgata Casino and Hotel for our anniversary celebration while my mom and dad stay with the kids.

God bless my mom! and dad!

Today we have to get the kids to the shore to work Saturday and Sunday but first I have to get some laundry done!
With four kids there is always lots to do, lots to plan and lots of laundry.

I thank God every day for all of it!

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, "I don't get it!

You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood.

I choose to be in a good mood."

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.

You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw him about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

He continued, "..the paramedics were great.

They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said John. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34.

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.