Joe was saving up for a new hot water tank and someone stole the $325.00 from his house. He has a big hole in the kitchen ceiling and ripped carpeting. He can hardly walk and can barely see. Every time I visit him, it is another story, another problem, another bad luck omen.

"Don't tell me anymore!" I shout. He laughs at me. He thanks me for calling PCA (Philadelphia Corporation for the Aging) who had the exterminator come and get rid of the mice.

Joe has really good spirits in between his worrying and depression. He concentrates on one problem at a time and really tries to understand how things happen.

"I really do have bad luck. But, I have to say, lots of times it could be worse".

"Take your pinky finger and put it here". He points at the ridge between his eyes. I do it. "What is that?" I say, rapidly removing my pinky. He laughs. "You're never gonna believe me!"

"Many years ago...."

"How many years ago?" I ask.

"Oh, about 40 years ago. I was sitting outside on the step and something hit me in the face. It turned out to be a stray bullet from far away...it made a dent in my head, it bled a little, it didn't hurt, it didn't go through my skull or brain and it didn't cause any damage. I had X-rays done. The doctor said it had to come from far away and had lost it's strength by the time it hit me and only caused a dent."

I stood there in amazement.

With a chuckle Joe said, "I still have the bullet". "I'll show it to you sometime.

I said, "Some people really do have ALL the luck"!

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."

I just made this and not only is it delicious but it is full of vitamins and fiber and iron and antioxidants...a meal in a bowl.

soak 1 bag or 1 pound of brown lentils in water for about 15 minutes
rinse

saute 3 cloves fresh garlic, half a small onion chopped, 1 leek (cleaned, finely chopped), a few cleaned carrots, 2 stalks of celery in olive oil. When soft add rinsed lentils and about 6 cups of cold water. Bring to simmer. At point of a boil add small pasta about 1/2 pound, cook until pasta is tender. Add chopped mixed variety of mushrooms (I use the dried kind I reconstitute and then use the mushroom water in the soup too...gives an intense mushroom flavor and health benefits), cook for about 7 minutes more. Add chopped arugula, chopped parsley, salt and pepper and turn off heat. Cover with lid.

(roasted peppers added at the end are good too)

Parmigiano cheese to garnish and a drizzle of olive oil.

Serve with a tossed salad and red wine.

BUON APPETITO!

(do not salt beans while cooking or before...it toughens the skin)

A few of us mothers were recently discussing our current lives and how our children affect our lifestyles, our careers, our bodies, our minds, our time.... everything.

When kids are small, things are hard because it is hectic to feed, cloth, bath and entertain children all day, especially four of them. As they grow up, little wonderful moments disappear and we are given back some of our time. The kids can actually help with the house and the laundry and the trash and the errands. We can think about what we want for a minute or two, but, there is always those lurking thoughts of our offspring: their safety, their well being, their fun, their responsibilities. Our time is not the same time it was before children. There is no "only me" to worry about anymore.

So, the question was "If you had to do it all over again, would you have 4 children? or less?" One mother said she sometimes feels she should have had one instead of two. She is a career person and her kids are young. That is a tough time. Every moment has to be accounted for and even if you delegate that responsibility, it still doesn't go completely away.

I have never cared to spend all of my time at work. I enjoy my career and have tons of hobbies but my life would feel like an empty drum if I didn't have kids.

Don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of times when I stood over the washer crying as I put another load in, crying because I was tired and sick of doing laundry and always doing and never feeling done. You get over that. I really don't cry as much now. Especially not about that nonsense.

I'd cry because I'd insist on working, making my own money, having things I thought I wanted, doing something important and having a change of scenery and then the minute I'd get my way, and find that perfect job opportunity, I'd find myself missing my kids, wondering what they were eating or if they were OK at the playground or at school. I always felt, even before I had them, that I was made for them. They were made for me. I am HERE for them. Everything else is secondary. To me, taking time to do things away from them is wrong. (I know it is not really wrong, it just feels wrong, most of the time).

So my answer is no, I wouldn't change the amount of children I have, in fact, I wish I had more..maybe 2 or 3 more. I am really serious.
Big families are wonderful for kids and if there is a willing, strong mother and a willing, strong father it can bring great satisfaction and happiness. When kids do things to be proud of and they sit and talk to you as the person they have become, it is astounding and wonderful and no Bonus or company car or expense account can come close.

There are lots of days I think about what it would be like to work at a magazine or writing for hours on end without interruptions. I'd like it, I know. But, I wouldn't trade it. Not even if the salary was wonderful, not even if I was in charge or the President. I know now we don't need as much as we think we do. What I get from my family I can never get from anywhere else.

From a very young age my only thought was to marry and have children. There was no other goal or thought in my head. I chose my husband according to how I felt he'd be as a father, I chose my career as how it would fit with raising a family, I chose my house according to it's size and yard and neighborhood as it relates to my kids. I make every decision accordingly.

I do not think having kids means having to conform to this world's ridiculous notions of what children need or have to get from their parents...lots of parents just give things in order to get out of really giving what is needed. Being a good parent means raising happy, independent children. Happy children are not the product of receiving things, getting their way, having the best and the most of things. Happy people are usually people who are expected to give and to contribute and to do without and to do for themselves. Lots of kids are obnoxious and not a pleasure to be around even to their parents, but, besides in born character traits parents really make the kids the way they are.....

Kids make everything more difficult. And they make everything difficult worth it.

I sometimes wish I didn't have that maternal instinct or domestic tendencies but it is in my genetic character...like my reading obsession and my writing need, like my connection with my husband as my soul mate, like my realization of God and the very large world around me, kids have a place in my life. It isn't only a desire it is written in the stars.

I understand how some woman can feel that "oh no, not again, not now, or why me" feelings..that is how I feel when I am working sometimes; that is how I feel when I am away from my family.

Without kids, just what do people do? Work, shop, travel, eat out, buy anything they want, sleep late, redecorate, read all the papers, have plastic surgery, socialize with friends and business partners....

doesn't sound that great to me!

A notion from the book talked about below, "The Giver", is the capacity to see beyond. Seeing beyond is a gift not all of us are capable of...it is really a feeling of knowing and believing and the capacity to think on a higher level. It is a feeling of being in your life as you were meant to live. It is a way to be. It has nothing to do with practicality or perfection or sense. It has to do with wisdom. My kids help me see beyond the concrete...more kids would mean more insight to me.

Maybe I can talk my husband into another??????

Sometimes, my kids HAVE to read books ..school requirements, summer reading, uh...that is about it.

I can shiver with dispair that 3 of my children do not like to read. My 10 year old does love books ..I try to hold in my excitement.

Anyway, there is a book they all said was good and had looks on their faces like they meant it.

It is called "The Giver". I started it and thought it was too Science Fiction for me...but I kept on, and about half way it started to set off those bells in my head. Such great metaphors and insights. It is about a way of life in the future but then refers to the past and things most of us take for granted and forget. Even the beginning of the book, when you think about it, reflects much of today's society, how many families want to be: perfect, controlled, boring, set. It is almost comical the way perfection seekers are portrayed ..like dum animals or robots. Like Disney World lovers or communism ...or is that the same thing?

It is about making a perfect life..usually much is sacrificed for the idea of perfection. Some people just never get it.

There is also the idea of "the capacity to see beyond"...which, of course, is the opposite of the conforming. It is for thinkers. It is for those who get something beyond an emotion or a lifestyle or a direction. It is the realization of what we seek.

How many of us are surprised when what we sought is gotten? When do we realize what we want? Why don't we think before we seek? Why do we expect it to be simple? And without consequences? And to our liking and benefit?

I am a true believer in the beauty of imperfection, character and wisdom and true happiness coming from nothing that looks like perfection.

It reminds me of my true feelings about life...we have to see it and feel it and we'll always be happy. There is no other way.

For once, my kids are right! I am happy they read it, too.