A movie about a transvestite...great movie. The main character actor really should have won an award for his role.

The movie seemed a bit far fetched..but really, it was not.

I loved it.

This morning, Ericka, our wound care specialist, called me to let me know she was going to see one of my patients. I was surprised as I forgot about this appointment. I sometimes worry about my memory.

I thought about my patient, who was 92, living with nearly one hundred bobby pins in her hair day after day, with her 3 sisters and her brother. In the middle of what is known as "The Italian Market", a small row house holds four wondering sisters and a brother confined to a hospital bed. The sisters, all grey and wrinkled, walk in circles around each other all day long except for the time they fall asleep standing in place or sitting in place. Papers are half read, food is uneaten and bowel habits are discussed perpetually. Rosie tells me I am her favorite nurse. "All the others are nice, but you are the nicest and you are so gentle, I love when you visit me". We smile at each other. She asks me the same questions over and over again each and every day. I visit her every single day for wound care.

Feeling a bit of guilt after Ericka's call, I called Rosie.
"Hello?"
"Hi, this is Debbie, the nurse for Rosie".
"Who"?
"Debbie, the nurse that visits Rosie every day".

A muffled sound like the phone being pulled away from the person..."Mary, a nurse is on the phone for Rosie". "Ummm, what is your name?"

"My name is Debbie, I have been visiting Rosie every day for the past 3 weeks to care for her wound, do you remember me?"

"I'm sorry, I have a bad memory, I didn't know Rosie had a nurse." "Mary did you know Rosie had a nurse". "Mary doesn't remember Rosie having a nurse either."

This is the sister that tells me she is 80, or in her 80's every day..and then, she says, "I just celebrated my 91st birthday". When I tell her she just said she was in her 80's and then said she was 91..she says back to me..."yes, that's right"...I am old, we're all old, 80 or 90, I just had my 91st birthday". And then she tells me the man in the bed is her twin. I look at him and realize there is quite a bit of resemblence between them.

They all look like the same person with just a bit of difference in height or weight or amount of hair...I remember a movie where a bunch of characters are all played by the same actor.....I try to remind myself to think about that movie later on....

"I am calling to let you know a different nurse will be there today to look at Rosie's wound, to let us know if we can do anything to hasten the healing."

"Oh, Rosie has a wound?! Mary...did you know Rosie has a wound? Is it bad? Should she see the doctor? I don't know her doctor. I'm sorry who is this?"

"Is rosie there? Can I talk with her."

"Sure". "Rooooosie ..phone for you".

"Hello...who is this?"

"This is the nurse who visits you,Rosie. My name is Debbie."

"Oh...who's this? You DO visit me? This is my sister's house. I am staying here for a while. Are you my brother's nurse or Eve's nurse?...no?...oh, your MY nurse...OK...hmmmm...oh thank you."

"Rosie, I just would like you to know a different nurse is coming today, O.K.?"

"For me, do I have a nurse too?"

a muffled sound

"George, ummm Mary....I have my own nurse!?"
"DO I know you?"

"I am Debbie, remember, your favorite nurse...remember...I come there every day, Monday thru Friday..."

"I have my own nurse? You see me every day? Oh,,that is so nice of you, am I O.K.? Will I get better? What is wrong with me? Oh...thank you."

"Rosie...I'll see you later..."

"O.K., thank you, thank you so much..what is your name again? O.K., bye now"...

...click...

(no lie/I swear)

It starts at a young age. We look for signs. We hunt for indicators. We skip over the cracks in fear of hurting our mother's backs. We play games with ourselves..."if the light changes in the next 5 seconds it means I should take that art class". We know it's crazy but it makes us sigh with relief.

We admire those that make decisions, are steadfast in their convictions and waste little time on contemplation. Those individuals seem content, at ease, and happy. If those decisions are that they only eat potatoes for lunch, or they no longer make love to their wife, or they only drive 5 miles a day in the car or they buy every rose they see....even decisions that are outrageous seem to calm us because they are steadfast and seem smart. We know, really we do, those fronts and faces and book covers are ever changing and mostly illusions but we believe them anyway, we look up to them. Look how we cheer and bang our feet on the ground when a politician says something we want to hear...yeahhhhhh! We become believers. That's the way they hook us. If someone attemts to clear a controversy and seems sure and confident then we feel sure and confident (even if what they say is nonsense).

Then, there is real life. The hard decisions, the wondering, the doubts. Should we move to New Jersey? When should I buy more stocks? How can I change careers? What should I do with my life? Should I have that operation? How can I lost weight? Are my kids really alright? How much could I worry? Will my parents be better off in an assisted living or in their own home?

I read the book "What Should I Do With my Life". I found the realization fascinating that everyone wonders about the decisions they made and the ones they are to make in the future. There are very few individuals who know exactly what to do all the time and then, the ones that do seem to know, really aren't all that convincing after talking or learning about their actual feelings, emotions and daily lives. That goes for executives, successful physicians, mothers, waiters, and boy scouts.

A lot of decisions are made for us. We become a victim of circumstances. We are in situations and become forced in a corner and either shrivel up or run away. We have that operation only when we can't stand it anymore, we put mom in a nursing home after years of exhaustion, we regret children and marriages and education and careers and either we idle along or change only when things get really bad.

Taking life by the bull horns is easy when your down, it's necessary when your worried or hurt or in need. But when your coasting along life becomes indecisive. But by always trying to figure things out, to wonder about every responsibility we sometimes miss all the things in between. We miss the good. Sometimes those decisions shouldn't always be the goal. The living around those decisions should be paid more attention to.

I've been hating my job on and off for the 6 months I've been working at PC. Most other home care nurses complain all the time too. We talk about the patients and our real work in between complaints about paperwork and running around. The job has become the complaints. Then I read an article about Jodi Foster. She's been an actress since childhood. She went to a prestigious college and received an advanced degree with honors. Last year she contemplated another career. That really shocked me. I thought...she is so lucky, so privledged, talented and good at what she does..why would she want to give that up? Then I realized, everything becomes hard, everything can become a drudery if we don't continue to see the good.

And good is everywhere.

I realized my job is really good. It isn't perfect but it is good and I have to accept the good (along with the bad)..which makes the bad seem easier.

I watched a movie ("The Things We Lost in The Fire" with Halle Barry)..a line from that movie has stuck with me for the past week..."Accept the good". We spend so much time trying to expand the good, build on the good, love the good that through all our days and decisions and interactions we skip the acceptance...a friend invites us out to dinner and we think about all the stuff we have to do, and this and that...and it becomes an issue...instead of just accepting the good. Not even enjoying it, but just accepting it. That is another thing...we sometimes overanalyze how much fun we're having..and rate it...and then actually think ...that wasn't that good, or that much fun or worth it...but did we really even see any good, did we accept it? Maybe we can't find a parking space after work and we have to park 2 blocks away, and we're tired and hungry and now agitated...but that two block walk filled us with fresh air and we met a neighbor on the way and we stretched our legs....see...good...it's everywhere...even if you walked in the rain and you got all wet and so did all your work papers...well, rain is good for your skin....so there is always good. see?

The other day I was at a patient's house; a 92 year old black lady who is as sweet as sugar. Her name is Birdie and it fits her. Her voice is squeaky and she sings to herself and she is thrilled at a good lunch or a nice conversation. Oprah was on TV and she marveled at Oprah's success and generosity. She marveled at how many people she makes happy. I said to Birdie..."do you have any idea how many people you make happy? Our whole office talks about you...every person you encounter leaves here feeling better and therefore that is shared with the people those people encounter...and on it goes, pays itself forward...so Birdie is just as wonderful as Oprah..maybe more so.." She agreed with me. That thought was accepted and it made her happy.

Accept the good.

Forget the rest.

One of my dreams was to marry my Prince Charming and have lots of kids that sit at the dinner table to eat the food I've prepared with gusto.

Tonight Mr. Charming and I set the table for our family; the little gusto's devoured 3 lbs of homemade shrimp salad, 3 lbs of homemade potato salad, 1 lb of fried crispy bacon, 1/2 of a fresh roasted sliced turkey breast, a loaf of Metropolitan country bread sliced and toasted, and a medium pot of home made tomato soup and a large salad.

The things that make me happy probably seem strange to other people.

Next blog please.

I don't know why I am surprised that I am disappointed in this Academy Award Winning movie. The movie wasn't terrible but it really wasn't good either. I'd say fair. Violence overwhelmed the whole show and was it's whole substance, that, in itself, should give you a glimpse of the show. Josh Brolin was ver good as well as Tommy Lee Jones.

Now I know why my dad, could not really read the book of the same title I gave him for Christmas. I was a victim, again, of advertising. I wouldn't read it either.

Into The Wild
very good movie: I finished watching it. The second half really showed the effect we have on others. The parents were portrayed well in the movie and I cried my eyes out watching them anguish over their son's wear abouts. His facing death was nothing short of brave. I highly recommend it.

The Village
I love M. Night Shyamalan I find his movies very symbolic and insightful. The movie's imagery is beautiful. I really liked this one, of course, the Sixth Sense has it beat, but this was good, too.

William Hurt is excellent, as usual

Elizabeth

excellent movie

A great example of a strong, wonderful woman who through strength and courage lead a country into peaceful times. Admirable. I love Cate Blanchett to pieces.