By now, the 5th day of January, New Year's resolutions are dissolving like Alka Seltzer in water. They fizz and dissolve and in a few minutes we may even forget all about them.

What was it I was going to do or not do or change again?

I never did get back to that gym. Tomorrow. Definitely.

I find there are many "new beginning" markers. Sundays, Mondays, Fridays, sometimes Wednesdays, September, July (my birth month), June (my anniversary month) and yes, January. It is a good thing, too, I have all these chances to dig up all of my goals and desires.
Self contemplation is a good thing. Self discovery is great. Doing things you enjoy is wonderful.

I am a wonderer. I love to wonder. I have no trouble finding joy every day (on the list), doing something fun and interesting every day (on the list), getting more chores done myself than Martha does (herself), lots of errands get done when a blaring list constantly reminds me. A new one is to write a letter (not an email) every month to a friend that I do not see or hear from often; someone I think about and would like them to know I think about them (yep, on the list). Another is to submit some writing somewhere...I need a deadline for this one...scary, take a writing course, start school, bake my own bread.

I write all my goals and resolutions down. I make lists and organize and prioritize them. I used to think I was one of those TYpe A personalities, but, I sleep too much to be a REAL A. I thought myself organized and entrepreneur..ish but now I just think I am willful and wishful and hopeful. In other words, things are easier said than done and I can say things well, at times. Doing things well is another story.

For all the will power I do not have my husband has it all. He can make a decision and stick with it from the moment of it's conception. There are no lists or scribbles on his desk, or in his car or in his pockets. The new thought gets put into action and becomes so. He is Mr. No nonsense. I am Mrs. Nonsense.

I do not see it as nonsense though. I see it as a way to get all the things done I feel I need to do. And, It works.

I start with my ideas in December. By now, I am loosing the will to even remember let alone keep it all in action. Eating no sugar became eating less sugar to eating a sweet a day. Now, breakfast time, I started my day with coffee and a sweet. Blogging takes energy.

On the other hand, I accomplish tons of stuff during the day. I pride myself on that because being productive is another NEED of mine. I have a list of the things that need to be cleaned in my house. This week is the upstairs bathroom (a real good scrub), 2 kitchen cabinets and the closet in the basement. I know I sound nuts. These lists keep me able to keep my life in order. I am proud to take care of this whole house myself (my husband really does help me, though). Taking a good sharp pencil, I like, even all the more, to cross out each item as it is done. As I brush the lead shavings from my desk, I know I'll sleep better that night.

I am a night person...so....every night I make a long list of the things that need to be done the next day in the order they are to be penciled threw. Oh, the thrill to have scratch marks on 3-4 items before 9 am. If there are items I do not complete I simply move it to the next day's list. See...I really am not that obsessive compulsive. I just have a bad memory. My daily lists are part of my weekly lists and my weekly lists are part of my monthly lists, etc.... Crazy person, I know. I truly feel this keeps me able to get all the things I need or I want to do done. Satisfaction is the end result. Contentment is accomplished.

Realizing some of my resolutions are dissolving I finally rationalize all that by knowing, yet again, I was unrealistic. There is no way I can give up sweets. OR lists. Regrouping is necessary. Perfecting those lists is thrilling...almost like editing a paper...really the good part. Anyways. Now, I have a list of resolutions I am serious about, and they are not too hard considering my lack of self discipline. I think I can accomplish visiting 2 churches a week, a museum a month, a monthly all afternoon date with my husband, occasional outings with the whole family, cooking, cleaning, exercising, out with the girls monthly, shopping LESS, spending LESS, eating LESS, eating better, my book group, yoga, reading, movies and of course, writing. Especially blogs and lists and stories and poems and lists. Did I mention my lists?

January 5th..a new beginning.....

"If I had 8 hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend six sharpening my ax."

"Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty; they merely move it from their faces into their hearts".

This book on CD is read by Lynn Redgrave. English men and women are tbe best story tellers...they invented story telling, didn't they?

The accents and the clear, confident drama in their voices.

This story begins and immediately has me interested...it is about a girl who works in a antiquarian book store and writes biographies and is asked by a famous and eccentric author to do her biography. The writing is fabulous, the descriptions and the thoughts...I love it. I listened to the first CD 2 x before going on the second one...you can't imagine what you miss..

I will readily admit I am not always such a good Christian. I will not be martyred or be named a saint, not by anyone.

I do try, on a daily basis, to better myself, to do the right thing, to conduct my life according to the ideals I have established. I try to live with dignity and in the best interest of my family. I make decisions accordingly. I try not to lie or steal or gossip (well, I try). I try not to kill. There is the urge to sometimes lie or cheat but because I was raised a Catholic in a family that always tried to remain good and on the right side of things I try to make the right and best and good decision. I am aware that my daily actions, my minute by minute thoughts are mine to control, my decisions to make, my made affirmations. Sometimes I do not make the correct choices.

It is sometimes very hard to not abuse or neglect my kids, to stay married, to be a good friend, to love my family and neighbors and friends. It is sometimes almost impossible to acknowledge a wrong doing or clear a mistake in my favor.

I can understand how hard it must be for the victim of a crime to not seek revenge; to curb vindictive behavior.

I am not saying there is no room for errors or mistakes or sins or even felonies. There is some room, some room for understanding, some plain amount of forgiveness. WE all have our own opinions of what is right and what is wrong. We all have our levels of forgiveness. It is just that some people's opinions are wrong.

Yes, opinions CAN be wrong. Especially when not well thought out or when misinformed.

I am pussyfooting around the hanging of Suddam Haussein. Certain someones think it was just NOT right at all that this was televised. Certain someones think capitol punishment/death penalties are wrong. I do empathize with those who are considering falsely accused persons who in their own right become victims. And then, the real perpetrator of that crime is free.

Certain someones think spending a life in jail is more torture for some than dying.

I beg to differ.

Certain someones think killing this man and then showing it to the public is not nice, not humane, not Christian and even "stooping to his level and barbaric".

I beg to differ.

I am sure prison or prison camps can be torture for some, maybe all. In my opinion, prison is not more torture or worse than dying. In prison you still have a chance. You have a chance of living a day, a month or a year or years of your life in freedom SOME day. You have hope. You have a chance to change, even if it is in your mind, to yourself. You may even have the opportunity to conduct your beliefs and business from jail somehow. Courier pigeons, followers, bribed guards all become characters in the storybook in your head and maybe even reality. You have a chance to read a sonnet or hear a melody or wet a parched tongue with a cold cup of water. Certain someones, if they ever paid life any attention should know (and do know) that true joy and complete joy is in moments of life. It is the witnessing of a sunset, it is the sun on your face, it is a cup of hot coffee, it is a fine conversation. It is the refreshment you feel after a hot shower. I believe you are allowed to shower in jail. It is filling a hungry belly with food. I believe you are fed in jail. Even if beaten, there is the day there is no beating and that even becomes a bit of joy.

So I beg to differ that time in jail is worse than dying.

No, dying, hanging, is worse. In this instance hanging is better. Putting his head in a noose and removing the anchor beneath his feet is worse than allowing him even a terrible cup of coffee, even one more beating, even one more minute to allow his thoughts to be of himself and all his accomplishments. It is better than allowing him to smile at one more passersby.

A certain someone did not feel it appropriate to televise that hanging. I beg to differ. I had to seek and find it to see it. That example or bit of justice was not shoved in my face. At any given moment as I turn the TV on and change the channels there are many, many things that should not be shown, that my kids should never see, that I am appalled to have to endure for even a couple of seconds. There is much indecency in the world and IT IS shoved in our faces. Certain someones accept lots of these without an ounce of thought.

That terrible, horrible, despicable man chopped, tortured, tortured people in front of their families, and mutilated hundreds of thousands of people.

I think he should have been hung over and over and his bulging tonsils should have been shown on every national news station around the world so that any other terrorist that is feeding humans into wood chippers can see what may happen to them instead of being hydrated and fed and clothed and maybe even followed in a prison somewhere.

Oh certain someones just do not want to SEE it. Certain someones think if it isn't SEEN somehow it is more decent. I beg to differ. How many things in life are covered up and better off for it? Most things are not better off covered up or done in private...not if those things are hurtful to lots of people, not if those things are wrong. NOT seeing that devil of a man be killed would never have had the impact or realization that it has, had it been done in secret. Those millions of victims..that trickle down and amount to billions needed some closure, some reassurance that this certain person will not and cannot EVER do anything like that again. Maybe one of two of his followers changed his course of action in life. Maybe some lives were saved somewhere. Maybe the world is a better place.

Certain someones should think before they speak.

Certain someones should accept and acknowledge that we are not at all always the perfect Christians we try to be...and sometimes,
that is not a bad thing.