Today, I happened to have to visit an Italian man with a last name so long it made me tongue tied. The door opened and the aroma fluttered out like fat dough cherubs out for a party. Giovanni sat figuring out his medications and blood sugar while Mrs. Giovanni checked loaves and loaves of rising dough and loaves and loaves of baking bread in the oven. OHHHHHH!!! I was so jealous. Her bread was lovely and crusty and smelled like Heaven. I was screaming all over the house, one that I was never in before today. They laughed at me and were delighted that I was Italian, too, although not like them. They spoke Italian like a beautiful melody. OHHH, my stomach gurgled and flipped. I had to tell myself to concentrate on the medications and the blood sugar. We sat and SLOWLY talked about it all. Italians are that way...they take TIME to say things, to show things, to listen. During our lesson we learned we were neighbors; they have 2 sons, I have four; we belong to the same church. We talked about Puglia and Sicily and Calabria. We talked about baking bread and homemade pasta. We talked about wine and siestas. Then I had to do my diet teaching which for diabetics, especially ones with blood sugars over 250, means little bread (I'll take it!!!) and little pasta and NO concentrated sweets. All of a sudden I became a foreigner, an American, a nut! OK OK OK....I tried to calm them as they went off on an Italian speaking rampage. "You can have some pasta, but, only a dish, a 1 or 2 days a week, not every day". Eyebrows were raised. Instead of coffee and bread or biscotti for breakfast switch to oatmeal or egg whites or cold cereal. Foreheads wrinkled. Mrs. Giovanni stood behind Mr. Giovanni and shook her hand like a fan while her eyes widened like flying saucers and her head tilted toward her husband's back. I know this sign language...it means, "you tell him", "he doesn't listen to me", "he doesn't follow those diet instructions". Giovanni wanted to see it all in writing. Like a little American witch I plucked a stack full of papers out of my Mary Poppins bag and handed them over with a slight, sorry filled smile. He looked it over, suspicious, and then, with a couple of hugs, handed me over a loaf of hot bread that almost made me cry. I told them I would eat it in the car..but that horrified them...."NO...you have to go home, and sit, and cut it, and have some prosciutto and some lunch".

I'll never be skinny again. I just know it.

I was reading an article about the used to be called Siberian Tigers. Now they are called something else because of where the last of them live..I cannot remember the name...Samur or something...anyways...the article was about breeding those animals. At the Philadelphia Zoo, there are two tigers they are trying to get together. They emphasized the difficulty of doing this as tigers are not social animals. They are meant to hunt for food and they enjoy solitude to the point of violence if interrupted. Tigers were described as "machines that operate claws and teeth". Lions are more social animals. Aren't cats, cats? I guess not.
The tigers were brought close to each other but kept separated by cages and bars. Little by little they were made familiar with each other's scent and presence. When the female tiger was in heat they were put in the same cage. The hope is to have cubs by the spring to ensure the continuation of a gene pool and a blood line and an endangered species and also to have a great attraction for the zoo.
When the female showed signs of being in heat she instinctively rolled on her back and flirted with the male. She was pensive and affectionate. After the mating occurred she became tired and much less affectionate and clawed at the male tiger to stay away. The zoo immediately separated them again fearing a fight they would not be able to stop.

HMMMMMM!
I started to think about instincts and the way we are naturally made to do certain things at certain times. When girls (and boys) are about 13, they start to dress differently, act differently and behave differently. They prepare for the day when met with a male counterpart. Some wait longer than others. At middle age I can be very critical of the dress and behavior of young teenage girls forgetting a time when I too was preparing for childbearing without realizing it.

How things change in mid life! Now the instinct is to cover up and sleep. At least for females.

Usually, instincts are to our benefit. They are organic impulses that are not learned but a natural capability.

Nowadays, youngsters wait much longer to marry. How are we to keep social order? Nowadays, youngsters do not fear their parents or God or social consequences. What are we to do?

Some are born with good reasoning skills, good judgement and well attuned discipline. Others are not.

In the olden days, life was much more controlled and strick. The human tigers were kept apart and guided. Now, without stun guns and lots of guards, the world insists on more freedom and sometimes that leads to chaos, either personal or worldly.

I am not only talking about sex here. I am talking about everything. School, working, responsibility, relationships, decision making, morality, and trust.

It is our instinct to eat when hungry. There has been studies to show that those people who feel they are too fat and need to lose weight (whether they really did or not was not the case, this was a study in anorexia nervosa) when viewing themselves after a meal and filling out a chart compared to viewing themselves before that very same meal and filling out a chart the answers were very different. Instinctively, they felt thinner and better about their looks therefore proceeding to eat whereas afterwards felt much fatter and guilty and regretful (this study showed a pattern or reason for bulimic behavior).

When walking down a dark street while encountering a strange person instinct will have me walk in the street or cross to the other side if that other person is a man, very big (man or woman) or black. It is my instinct to move out of what seems to me to be harm's way. Natural or learned?

Considering instincts, we must inform our younger parts of these very natural strong tendencies of these natural occurrences. We must teach that good judgement and reasoning are necessary to get through life with less than necessary heart ache and hardships.

Are some heart aches and hardships necessary? Are they also instinctual to allow us a coat of armor for future worse situations?
Should we be more social or more independent? Is this all about survival of the fittest? Can we live with our decisions and actions?

Unlike any animal, is our ability to think and to reason, an asset or a hindrance these days? Can we really control ourselves that much?

How do we, today, pick a mate? Looks? Personality? Intelligence? Build? Or, is it how much money they make and how well they can take care of us? Or, is it how many children they want and what kind of home we think they will make? Or, is it how safe they make us feel? Or, how much autonomy and independence we can maintain? What are the right reasons and what are the very wrong reasons? Can we help what we instinctively feel? Or is life for humans on a much higher level than animals? Maybe not. Maybe so...
Should we make decisions in regards to the example we are setting for our children or should we think of our own immediate gratification and ignore the consequences?

I guess that depends on whether you are a lion, a tiger or a bear.

It was the end of the day, today,5:15 p.m. The setting sun allowed the cold to pierce my skin without a shield; dusk on a shockingly cold winter's day. I was enjoying the cold. I was anxious to get home and had run out of my usual distractions: radio, books on tape, singing along with the music, phone calls. At a stop sign, I met up with a large blue van. I contemplated it's color of blue, it being my favorite color. Sometimes, green is my favorite color, just for the record. I noticed about a dozen Asian men and women huddled together in the van. I thought they were anxious to get home, too, driving through this very un-Asian neighborhood. I happened to drive along with that blue mini bus toward South Philadelphia. I am sure they were first generation immigrants, knowing their offspring drive BMW's and Honda's and have coiffed hair and nails and designer glasses. I imagined those passengers leaving their shoes at their front doors and padding their way to their kitchens to steam the rice and fry the vegetables. Inhaling, I smelled the basmati fragrance, I heard the whinny chatter of their language, I saw the red hanging lanterns. I tried to count those passengers but could not, there were too many of them. I heard the comments: "they live 6 families to a house", "they pack them in like cattle", "they sleep on the floor". I imagined them smiling after a day's work done well. I imagined them trying to assimilate into an unknown world, adjusting to an unknown language, but I also feel their comradership and ease among friends and similar beings. I wondered if they missed their homeland. I wondered if they liked sitting so close to one another, if it made them feel safer or less homesick?

As that large vehicle turned and pulled in front of me, I saw, on the blue van with the red brake lights a bumper sticker that said: God Bless America. It had stars all about it.

I thought of God and America. I thought of the people who respected that connection. I thought of the reasons why, and I knew it was because they mean it.

And they should know.

Since we had a long weekend and my husband and kids had a football game to watch on Saturday night, I got to see a few movies..

Pans Labrynth: very good. I didn't know there was so much fantasy in the movie but it was very good.

THe Painted Veil: excellent...my kind of movie. I loved the scenery (China) and the clothing...1920's???

The Illusionist: one of the best movies this year to me..also my kind of movie..in Vienna, about magic, Ed Norton (also great in THe Painted Veil) was great, Paul GIamatti was great (he was great in The Lady in the Water, too)

On a Clear Day:..this was set in England about a man, who at midlife gets laid off his job (which he worked 6 days a week)...he is depreseed and has a unevolved relationship with his son...he decides to train to swim the English channel to France. Great movie. I love anything about water. Also, I love all the English accents and different ways of saying things...like when they are enjoying a meal, instead of saying "this is good"...they say "very nice""..so sweet.

"We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be."