Isidore of Seville, in interpreting the Psalms in the seventh century, seconded the idea that tears produce satiety. "Lamenting," he wrote, "is the food of souls."

(for all my friends who not only cry but Must cry, Love to cry and WILL cry at every chance they get: Rosina, Lorraine, Mom, Roe, and at times, Marianna) and for my grandmothers who tried to cry as much as possible, sometimes without tears.

Remember that song Barbara Striesand sang "People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world". (Just be thankful you can't hear me singing it).

Really that is a great song. Needing other people is a great thing. It provides an interaction that no other feeling brings. Being needy, your vulnerable but open to other's help and consolation. Fullfilling someone's need is the gift they (the needy one) give you, the ability to bring satisfaction and joy to another person and then to know it. People who need people...like a circle, like never ending hand holding and comfort.

El is a lady I wrote about in the past. She loves animals and will do anything to save a mouse, a bird, or an insect. She frets and shows concern even over ants. She is one of the very few people I can honestly say that is full of goodness. There isn't one single bone in her body that is mean, demeaning, condescending, arrogant, judgemental or vindictive.

I have known her for almost 5 years. She has never been married and does not have children. Her "nephew" is around to help her. He really isn't related to her, but was taken in by her mother when he was a young, abused boy and now he tries to help where he can.

She lives alone and has, in the past year, become better able to get around her home. She uses a walker and always wears a wool hat and socks and an extra sweater. She is constantly cold. She loves to eat and says a prayer of thanks before each meal. Today breakfast was grits, scrambled eggs, a fried piece of ham, a hot cup of tea and toast. In her wool socks she is about 4'10" and weighs 89 lbs. I suggest she wear pajamas instead of a nightgown and housecoat and sweater or, at times, a dress and a sweater. She told me she never wore pants in her whole life. 97 years. I almost could not comprehend that statement. No pants, pajamas, shorts, cullots, knickers, sweats, jeans or clam diggers. Never. OH.

Lately she has been "feeling faint" and kind of half passing out. Her blood pressure has always been very low as well as her heart rate..bradycardia can be a problem.

In the past month, the nurses aides, who are now loving friends, have taken her to the hospital. They call her at all hours from their own homes when they know she is alone. El is worried. She feels her time here on earth is coming to an end. She feels she is "fading". Her usual chirpy, optomistic outlook has turned worried. I asked her about it. She says, "it is OK..I just don't want to be alone. I just worry about being alone. I don't like being alone". El is a lady who never asks for anything. She never demands anything. She never refuses whatever is offered, except a time when I got her a cold glass of water for her to take her pills...she said with a big apology that she is not able to drink cold water..it must be hot, the hottest tap water is fine..but it almost pained her to complain.

Her nephew is supposed to be there every night at 7 when the aides leave and stay until the next morning when they arrive at 8 but he rarely does stay. He sometimes visits until she gets into bed and then he leaves her alone throughout the night. Some days she is alone from when the aides leave until when they arrive the next day. Her nephew has a wife and a home in the suburbs. He feels she is O.K.

Yesterday, her breakfast was untouched. I was shocked. "I was up all night feeling so cold and so alone". The nurses aide and I look at each other as our eyes filled with tears. "I just don't want to be alone". She was very tired.

I know she is not afraid of dying but dying alone.

Of course, I called her nephew and voiced my concern. The list of items needed were a plumber to check the radiators, an electric heater, leg warmers, another blanket and nurses aides around the clock. He said.."I am usually there at night, some nights I stay".

El gets aides from Philadelphia Corporation of the Aging who will provide services and then, after death, recoup their fees after the house is sold. The aides provided to El are excellent.

I told him that she deserves to not be afraid. He of all people should know how empathetic she is towards other people and animals and anyone that seems needy. Her only wish is to not be alone..nothing else matters.

He said he'd work on it right away.

Every nurse's aide offered to work more hours. Annie, who has three little kids at home and takes 2 buses and a subway to get to El. Helen, who is in Nursing school full time and works 2 part time jobs in order to complete a college education while visitng her family in Ethiopia one or two times a year. Her exquisite beauty never trumps the humble care and assistance she happily administers to El. Mary, a loud, opinionated, older woman who readily calls El's "nephew" with long lists of complaints such as the house not being warm enough, or not enough food in the refrigerator, etc.. etc..

That is just the kind of lady El is...a person who brings out the best love in all of us. We have spent much time at her house talking and laughing and really feeling important human connections. We talk about the news, food, kids, life, education, the weather, working, families, bible passages, music, friends, church, and, of course, GOd. It sometimes feels like magic; surreal. All the world's nonsense ceases to exist when organic needs are exposed and cared for..

When El finally passes from this life to the next, I hope she is not alone, I hope she is not afraid.

When El is gone, WE are certainly going to feel very alone.

Augusten Burroughs is one of my favorite authors. I read all 3 of his books..and really liked them. His writing is really honest, a bit liberal and can be shocking. I am intrigued by his upbringing and how a person can be a highly functioning, happy adult after being raised by completely irresponsible and incompetent parents. It just goes to show you, a neglected and even abusive childhood does not have to mean you will be a monster in adulthood.

The book was made into a movie with Annette bening (great in it/love her), jill clayburgh, gwneth paltrow..
it didn't get such great reviews but I thought it was excellent.

I've been corresponding with another blogger here on the stream...she is a 14 or 15 year old girl (REMEMBER THAT when reading)..and I really admire her. She has been through so much. She is in foster care with what seems to be very caring parents...she is a highly intelligent kid and her blog is mindboggling that it often brings me to tears. Her love of books and learning has kept her strong and pulled her up from the underground.

If you would like to read her blog I will try to put the links here (she has 3 but follow the link and click one at a time to read).

I am just glad, that SOMETIMES the system works and for some HOPE really does pay off...

Here is her recent response to me...we were talking about poverty:

Hello Seeingpeople,

I've been trapped in all sorts of situations and yes poverty was one of them. I've lived with the very rich and with poverty stricken individuals, I've lived with working class who live paycheck to paycheck and with those who have 3 jobs just to live comfortable lifestyles. I would never want to be dirt poor again, and the rich lifestyle is materially confortable, but the people who have treated me with the most care and unconditional love have been those who work very hard for what they have and to top it off, end up giving from their hearts to kids like me.

I am out of that situation because of someone else's kindness and goodwill, for now I can work to attain my own income and resources or I can depend on someone to support me. I have never wanted to be dependent on anyone for financial provisions. I do feel this is a step in the right direction, and if I use my time and money wisely, I'll be able to work my way up to true independence once I turn 18.

Yes, in America......children go hungry and go to bed cold, they go to school without jackets or even an entire week end without meals. That's our America and most of the time, it's because biologicals don't make wise choices. I do agree with that...most abusive parents put themselves first in my case...my bio mom smokes constantly...I was slapped for telling her that if she quit smoking we'd have food money. If she quit drinking she could get a job, if she quit drugs she could be more responsible. I don't think my bio well ever have a clear understanding that if she wants a difference in her life, she has to take the first step. I don't know if she ever will, but then again she is 12 years older then me.

Sometimes I do feel sorry for her, but it's not an excuse for what she has allowed her children to go through. I have empathy for her to say the least, but she seems to take pride in her impertinent behavior and expects everyone to accommodate her because she's had a rough childhood.

That's what I call life lessons, you live and learn, I watch her with disbelief and find it so mind boggling..... when she sits there trying to convince me that none of my past abuse was her fault...and in her reasoning she makes herself blameless. Abusive parents do not realize that even if they were a silent partner in the act, they are still guilty; looking the other way does not excuse you.

I've learned a lot from people's mistakes, and it's a hard lesson, but if I got nothing out of these mistakes, I'd be just another powerless individual and unable to help myself; and that's not who I am or someone I want to become.

http://www.blogstream.com/profile.mod?PRID=5811

Now don't skip this one! It is much easier than you think.

I've been, for quite a while, longing for a bread machine. The 100.00-150.00 price tags kept me at bay. There is really nothing worse than spending lots of money on a gadget or appliance and then never using it.

Then, on E-bay, I found one, in it's original box with all the directions and books and instructional tape for under 35.00 INCLUDING shipping.

Bread is an issue with me..I really hate the bread in the regular supermarket and flat out refuse to eat it or feed it to my kids. I usually go to Whole Foods to buy really good sliced bread....it is about 4.-5.00 a loaf. The problem is I love that store..and when there I fill up a cart every time. Making my own bread has reduced my need to go to that store and therefore I save lots of money besides the money I save on the bread. Homemade bread costs about 60 cents a loaf. And it is delicious and good for you with no preservatives or additives or hydrogenated oils. You are free to use the ingredients you love..and most of all it takes 3 minutes to put together, then you turn the machine on and in a little over 2 hours out comes a hot loaf of bread ready to slice.

Now tell me WHAT is wrong with that?