I have a patient who lives in a house as a border. He has 1/2 of a bedroom and use of the bathroom. The house used to be a funeral home. It has a funny smell. We laughed about it. Mike doesn't have his own phone. When I call him, a different person answers every time. Some of them can't remember who Mike is exactly. Mike rides his bike around the neighborhood (even though he is supposed to be sick). He hangs in a corner store that is run by two ladies. They look like mother and daughter but I am not sure about that. The store is in a neighborhood that used to be tight, it used to be safe and it used to be clean. Now, it is all dwindling but there are still young women pushing baby carriages to pick up older kids from school, and the guys that hang on the corner know everybody's name and their mother's names and their grandmom's names. There are abandoned houses here and there and empty lots full of trash in between. There was a spot filled with teddy bears and candles in memory of a recently shot and killed victim.

The ladies store is called something like Marie and Jan's corner Deli. Cute. Anyway, Mike hangs in there...he helps them with a few deliveries and sweeps up and keeps watch; meanwhile he weighs about 110 lbs. and does not look like he could threaten a 6 year old.
I call over to the store and the ladies give Mike the message to meet me at his house. Today, I couldn't find him and the phone rang without being answered. I looked around for the store and saw the sign. I walked into an immaculately clean store with homemade chicken and roast pork and macaroni salad that made my stomach grumble. There were bins with soft pretzels and glistening pastries damp with sugar perspiration and cold boxes with iced tea and water and soda. The coffee was fragrant. I introduced myself and asked for Mike. They said he went home to take a nap and I remembered him telling me after lunch he rides home and sleeps for about an hour or two and then goes back to the store for the evening. He has his meals there in exchange for his help. The store was very small and I could see just by the looks on the ladies' faces their method of payment was very generous.

Marie and Jan were concerned and knowledgeable about Mike. I wasn't able to speak with them about him due to HIPPA laws but we all understood each other.

They were there to help him. I was glad that there are people like that in the world. Kind. NICE. Helpful. Decent.

When I left I realized I didn't know who was Marie and who was Jan. I realized also those details really didn't matter at all. It was all the other details that matter.

The other day I was talking with someone who has been recently diagnosed bipolar. She is having a hard time with it, "I don't think I am ever going to feel normal again". She went on to say that some days are good and some are bad. There are a lot of days she is tired, exhausted even, just from the medications and the stress of the whole encompassing problem. It takes all of her energy to get through the day and some days she just can't do anything. There are nights she is up late baking and days she spends in bed. There are times she eats like she is starving and other times when she isn't hungry for days.

My life is almost opposite of this and yet it is the same, in a way. I have a routine and a system of daily activities that allows me to do a million things in a day. I accomplish everything I need to do simply by thinking of what I want to get done ahead of time and then planning to do it all. I feel good when I am productive. I eat regular meals and exercise and drink lots of water every day. I never skip eating for more than a few hours. There are times I need to sleep a lot because I can get very tired. There are times I think I will never again feel like I did, physically, when I was 25. Sometimes I dislike the same regimen. I still have a lot of energy but I sometimes feel like I lost that spark, that rage of hope that I had when I was young. I used to feel like I could do anything, that everything was possible, now I wonder if I'll have the energy and excitement to do the very normal things of midlife. I do have my husband, my marriage, my wonderful kids, the houses and a job I planned on and I love everything about all of that. It's like biking to the top of the mountain...I am there and now looking down. Some of us fall, some of us crash, some of us enjoy the ride and the relief of completing goals and acquiring wishes. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live in a different part of the world and why don't we just do it. Move? Change? Travel? Quit my job? Then I take a nap and get over all that wondering. Sometimes wondering is instigating.

We can all feel depressed over what was normal then and what is normal now. We all wonder what we are missing. And then again, some of us do not. Imagine that!

The point is to try to take care of our problems, trial and error and courage and fortitude is necessary but also life becomes doing the best with what we've got, it now means really being grateful for all that we have, and to accept the cards we are holding. Being angry, depressed, jealous, envious, regretful and hopeless does no good whatsoever and usually makes everything worse.

My very wonderful Aunt Ann just had a really bad year. She was diagnosed with Lung Cancer, went through chemotherapy and radiation to push that cancer into remission and recently had a problem walking. She went to the E.R. and found she has brain Cancer. Two days later she was having brain surgery. The tumor is removed but she cannot use her right side. She needs physcial therapy to regain her strength and endurance. Thereafter, she will need radiation to her brain to ensure the cancer does not come back. My uncle, her husband, has been by her side since the moment she went into the hospital, sleeping only a couple of hours here and there, helping her whenever she needs it. He is the type of person who really doesn't stand out much...he blends in, he isn't loud or intrusive and he really isn't very aggressively social. He always seemed to me to be in his own little world...he hunts, fishes, loves sports, does all the crossword puzzles in all the papers and gardens and cooks. It was at their house (and my grandparent's) I learned to prune tomato plants, pick peppers, water and weed and feed. It was there I carried big bags of peppers and vegetables in bare feet to the kitchen where we rinsed and cut and cooked and packaged.

This past week I watched these two people wait for someone to help them, listen to words they did not understand and accept advice with fear and longing. My aunt screamed and cried and my uncle coaxed her into calm. He wiped her eyes every other minute with soft tissues and ran his finger under her nose to catch it's drippings. He smiled and enjoyed huge cups of coffee...and when I say enjoyed..he really did. His attitude did not waver and his sustenence did not wane. My aunt is still moaning and screaming and she has every right to do so but I could not help but think how opposites attract and how one person's happy constitution is a blessing to another's consternation.

I always thought of my uncle as a bit of an air-head (for lack of a better word) yet, that is really just a notion. It simply is not true. He is smart and inquisitive and helpful and pleasant. He seems honest and true. His attitude impressed me. He has always been upbeat and optimistic. That, in itself, makes the worst nightmares bareable, it makes life manageable, it makes things possible. Where some of us see problems and loss and feel damnable others just won't see the doom and gloom, they push it aside and get on with
happiness.

Some of us are lucky enough to be born that way, some of us have the character that is always cheery, always hopeful and others have a doom and gloom attitude and some of us are just ungrateful and some of us have chronic health problems that make being happy and happy-go-lucky very hard to maintain. But I think all of us have the possibility of choosing one over the other no matter what our situation.

Is any of it "normal"? Maybe we need to accept that feeling different or weird some days is normal and forget about that steady feeling of being in the middle...life moves on and changes and as we age things get more serious, there is more to think about, more to worry about, more to do...but that doesn't mean we can't accept what we have, enjoy what we can and be as happy as can be for that day..always wishing to be somewhere else, or doing something else or feeling something else is a waste of time. Do what you can to change what you don't like and really enjoy the rest of the day.

There are some days I think too deeply and feel too keenly and my nerves are frazzled. I can get anxious thinking of all the things I have to do, I can wonder and worry about 10 years from now and I can really feel all my aches and pains and then I think who cares about the list of things to do...if I do them great, and if I don't, I'll take a break. I can practice not really thinking too much about how much people litter, who can't help themselves and why the world is so this or that...I simple stop that type of thinking after a certain amount of time has passed...I only allow myself an hour or so a day of this turmoil and then I listen to the birds and watch the bees and feel the bright new sun on my face and marvel at the beautiful trees and flowers.

I made a conscious decision to stop complaining about my job. I can dream of all the wonderful ways I'd rather make money. I can feel overwhelmed and stressed very easily but I've decided to think I am very lucky to be able to work from home and then go out, listening to the birds sing or a great song or a book on tape and visit some sick people and try to make their day better, try to teach them something and then keep a record of it for the purpose of my employer. I am appreciating my salary and benefits and the way my manager appreciates everything I do for them. I take my time off with wonder and excitement and work as best I can to build my integrity and professionalism. All of a sudden I have the best job in the world. And, guess what, I can write on the side. There. See how easy it can be....

some days
I even feel

normal.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
Anais Nin

The Fifteen Promises Of Mary To Those Who Pray The Rosary

To all those who shall pray my Rosary devoutly, I promise my special protection and great graces.

I promise my special protection and the greatest graces to all those who shall recite the Rosary.

The Rosary shall be a powerful armor against hell; it will destroy vice, decrease sin and defeat heresy.

It will cause virtue and good works to flourish. It will obtain for souls the abundant mercy of God; it will withdraw the hearts of men from the love of the world and its vanities, and will lift them to the desire of eternal things. Oh, that souls would sanctify themselves by this means!

Those who trust themselves to me through the Rosary will not perish.

Whoever recites my Rosary devoutly reflecting on the mysteries, shall never be overwhelmed by misfortune. He will not experience the anger of God nor will he perish by an unprovided death. The sinner will be converted; the just will persevere in grace and merit eternal life.

Whoever shall have a true devotion for the Rosary shall not die without the sacraments of the Church.

Those who are faithful to the recitation of the Rosary shall have during their life and at their death the light of God and the plenitude of His graces. At the moment of death they shall participate in the merits of the saints in paradise.

I will deliver promptly from purgatory souls devoted to my Rosary.

The faithful children of the Rosary shall merit a high degree of glory in heaven.

You shall obtain all you ask of me by the recitation of the Rosary.

All those who propagate the Holy Rosary shall be aided by me in their necessities.

I have obtained from my Divine Son that all the advocates of the Rosary shall have for their intercessors the entire celestial court during their life and at the hour of death.

Those who recite my Rosary faithfully are my beloved children, the brothers and sisters of Jesus Christ.

Devotion to my Rosary is a great sign of predestination.

Tradition says that these promises were given to St. Dominic (1170-1221AD) and we find them in the writings of Blessed Alan de la Roche (1428-1475AD) also known as Alanus de Rupe, one of the Dominican Fathers at the monastery at Dinan, in Brittany, France. Alan was an eminent theologian and a famous preacher in that period.

The exact words above vary from book to book depending on the different French to English translations. For example, #1 is in some books as "Whoever shall faithfully serve me by the recitation of the Rosary shall receive signal graces", while #6 appears as "Whoever shall recite the Rosary devoutly, applying himself to the consideration of its sacred mysteries shall never be conquered by misfortune: if he be a sinner, he shall not perish by an unprovided death; if he be just, he shall remain in the grace of God. He shall become worthy of eternal life" and #14 is translated as "All who recite the Rosary are my sons, and brothers of my only son, Jesus Christ".

Can we refuse our most loving Mother her request that we daily pray the rosary?

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How To Pray The Rosary - The purpose of the Rosary is to help keep in memory certain principal events or mysteries in the history of our salvation, and to thank and praise God for them. There are twenty mysteries reflected upon in the Rosary, and these are divided into the five JOYFUL MYSTERIES, the five LUMINOUS MYSTERIES, the five SORROWFUL MYSTERIES, and the five GLORIOUS MYSTERIES.

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Make the Sign of the Cross and say the "Apostles' Creed."
Say the "Our Father."
Say three "Hail Marys."
Say the "Glory be to the Father."
Announce the First Mystery; then say the "Our Father."
Say ten "Hail Marys," while meditating on the Mystery.
Say the "Glory be to the Father."
Announce the Second Mystery; then say the "Our Father." Repeat 6 and 7 and continue with Third, Fourth and Fifth Mysteries in the same manner.
Those who pray the Rosary regularly would do well to be enrolled in the Confraternity to gain extra spiritual benefits for each Rosary they pray.


After the Rosary:
HAIL, HOLY QUEEN, Mother of Mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope! To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve; to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary!

V. Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God.
R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.
Let us pray. O GOD, whose only begotten Son, by His life, death, and resurrection, has purchased for us the rewards of eternal life, grant, we beseech Thee, that meditating upon these mysteries of the Most Holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary, we may imitate what they contain and obtain what they promise, through the same Christ Our Lord. Amen.
After each decade say the following prayer requested by the Blessed Virgin Mary at Fatima: "O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, lead all souls to Heaven, especially those who have most need of your mercy."

As suggested by the Pope John Paul II the Joyful mysteries are said on Monday and Saturday, the Luminous on Thursday, the Sorrowful on Tuesday and Friday, and the Glorious on Wednesday and Sunday (with this exception: Sundays of Christmas season - The Joyful; Sundays of Lent - Sorrowful)

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