I have a friend who thinks the kids are better off NOT having girlfriends. She thinks girls take advantage and manipulate and hold boys back from experiencing life.

I have to disagree. Again.

Does marrying young limit your life's experiences? Like everything else, it is all the way you look at it; you have other experiences. I was in that dilemma..looking at my life like, what was I missing, until I realized there wasn't anything missing as long as I was with the perfect person. That was because I found the perfect person for me.

I have four sons. One has had a semi-serious girlfriend. My mistake is that I have grown to really like her even though I do not see her much. I understand my friend. I know how girls are, I am one. I was someone's teenage girlfriend once. I know how I called, and talked and cried and tried. I know how girls feel and I know how they want boys to feel. Like them.

Another son has had a few uncommitted relationships. He meets girls who, he says, are really out of touch with reality, bossy, prissy and spoiled. In turn, he has been able to think all about himself for almost 19 years. He studies when he wants, he works when he wants, he travels and plays football on the beach all day, he swims and eats while walking around the house looking for his i-pod. His phone rings constantly by other kids who are looking for their i-pods and food to eat. This summer he met a girl. She is sweet, cute, energetic and not prissy. She likes to have fun, swim, wet her hair, get all sandy and she likes to be by his side all day long. I remember those days. I couldn't hold my boyfriend's arm or hand enough. I needed a hug six times an hour. I sat in school and thought about his hair and eyes and tried to remember his face panicking when something was out of focus. I wrote notes and said prayers. I looked at all the other girls suspiciously. I felt my stomach flip when a gay male winked at him (which to this day happens all the time).

I remember learning to care about what another person thought. I learned about compromise. I learned that there were other persons he needed to care about too, not just me. I learned about sharing and schedules. My son is learning those same things now. He is trying to understand his own feelings of leaving himself behind to find out about another and then to find how they can mesh together like a wind chime on a breezy day. Sometimes it's nice and other times its annoying. He planned a day of water skiing, boating and general relaxing at the beach. She wanted to go along. He was surprised. She went along for some of the time. They had a nice time. It didn't kill him and he made a bit of an adjustment in his day's plans.

Only time will tell what our sacrifices and compromises are worth.

Who knows what will happen or how much of life they will miss because of some naggy girl, some pressing relationship, some inconvenience. Like anything else, progress has its downfalls. Remember when the telephone and the car were invented. People started to write less letters and talk less at the bus stop and soda fountains. They started to keep their time to themselves and look for the next convenience. Or maybe it will be because of total encapsulation with another, maybe it will be the love that hurts your heart when you are away from it, maybe it will be a lifetime of togetherness that turns a fantasy into reality.

Life is lived through inconvenience and sacrifice and sharing. It is all about learning about yourself through other people. Sometimes our own selves and our best friends and our own precious time just isn't challenging enough for us to become a full and complete person. Sometimes you need a significant other.

One of the themes of my summer has been "There are lots of sides to every story." Either kids or my friends have me searching for answers for a variety of situations.

The hardest thing about being a home care nurse is the inability to bring about real change. There are many times when a visit is productive and promotes healing. There are lots of times when a visit facilitates a relationship or puts a positive spin to a lonely elder or needy nurse's day. There is sometimes an exchange of things intangible; their value high and precious. The frustration comes when you find yourself at a dead end, like a "no thru" street. It's after the emergency, over the ICU, past the rehabilitation and back to square one. As a home care nurse you see a lot of repeat problems, repetitive mistakes, continued neglect and sometimes ongoing abuse. Nurses like to heal. We like to help and teach and infuse our opinions and expertise onto our patients. I happen to be a nurse and a writer and someone who cannot keep my opinions and analysis to myself.

Ummm, sometimes that is unfortunate. I know that.

The hardest and biggest lesson I have learned in all my years in home care is acceptance. I can offer to help exterminate the mice or the roaches but I cannot make it a barrier to the care I am providing. I can't help notice a family's neglect of a helpless elderly individual, but all I can do is make a referral to the protective agency for the elderly and accept when the patient says they are OK and are not having any problems.

I am not succumbing. I am learning to accept that sometimes the way I see things is not the exact same ways all the other people involved see them. I am learning I have limits too. I am learning that sometimes my help is not wanted or appreciated.

It happened again this summer. I was in a few situations where I was trying to help and all I wound up feeling like was an enabler and even sometimes a facilitator of happenings where I really did not want to be included.

Again, I learned I do not need to worry about the whole world. I can offer myself here and there but I can also say No, or stay out of certain situations and worry about myself and my family more. THAT, I have a hard time doing. I naturally OFFER help, food, time, services..and NOT offering feels weird or against my nature but sometimes it is for the better. It helps me feel less taken advantage of..this also goes for my own kids. Through them I've learned to not offer open ended services..like "your friends can come down anytime they want"...because then I have teenagers here every day and night. I feel like the common courtesy of asking or thinking of another is forgotten. Then I changed my offer and explained the reasons. I think we all learned a lesson. I also learned that if a child (teenager or not) is not told than maybe he won't realize his actions. Lots of times people do not realize the reaction of others to their actions. So TELL I do. TOLD I did.

I realize their are lots of times people do things they want to do with the thought they are doing it for the benefit of their kids or their God or their community or their friends, when, in fact, they are doing it for themselves...and I find it unnerving that their thoughts are so stuck in martyrdom. All the while, not accepting the results of their actions or life choices.

I know someone who told me she was at the store buying groceries and the store made a mistake charging like 35 cents for a large container of iced tea instead of 3.50. When she realized this, she sent every person in her house to buy as many large iced teas as they could carry. We talked for a few minutes and then I mentioned on that particular Sunday I missed mass. I felt bad I hadn't made the time for church. This person proceeded to tell me how she would never miss mass, ever. She would feel way too guilty and upset. She saw no correlation between the first conversation and the next. I was dumb founded. This, in no way, excuses me from missing mass, but I wonder why I think of my mistakes and others think of their goodness. I wonder if it is not better to feel guilty into going to church than going because you want to go or because your need to feel God's presence and keep His commandments are important to you. I wonder about the reasons we do things, if it makes a difference to the actual meaning of what we are doing. Does it matter less or more?

If a mother is trying to appease an unhappy child because of a recent family decision, is her trying less significant because she is really trying to maintain a family happiness and a rationale for making that decision in the first place or is she really worried about her daughter's moods as she claims? If she was, she wouldn't have made the decision in the first place. I have to say, I do not think she is wrong in her decision (to move far from her last home) but I do disagree with the thought process that she is most worried about her daughter's happiness. In my eyes, she is worrying about her own happiness and if she would just accept it and state that and release the teenager from having to make her happy she'd be in a better place. I believe that.

I also learned that not everyone wants my opinion or advice. Imagine that! I do think we meet and get to know other people for reasons. I feel like we learn the lessons we need to learn through relationships. I have a friend who gets involved in every aspect of her friend's lives. She finds out information, she gives advice, she keeps track of everyones kids. She thinks she is be of service but actually she is so annoying she creates hard feelings.

I found that acceptance isn't the same as seeing things for how they really are...I find some think they accept situations but really are not seeing some of the it (those they are not accepting).

I think it is important for happiness to accept your situation for what it is....unless you can't accept it, then change it..sometimes we can't change anything and knowing that and accepting even that helps us.

I find some people bargain with acceptance. They try this and that, they proclaim sincerity and genuine altruistic measures but all it really boils down to is the inability to accept the situation for what it is and the focus becomes something other than the real issue.
Transference occurs and the scapegoat is enormous.

Why do people claim to feel a way they do not? Why are things so transparent to everyone else but the person experiencing the problem.

I am trying to learn to accept the blinders on other peoples eyes. I am trying to reach within a situation and share what I can, without getting too opinionated and emotional, and just be there if they need me.

and then again..if I don't speak up or rant and rave they will never see what they need to see...

OMG I am hopeless

Hopefully not too hopeless to learn to accept.

One of the themes of my summer has been "There are lots of sides to every story." Either kids or my friends have me searching for answers for a variety of situations.

The hardest thing about being a home care nurse is the inability to bring about real change. There are many times when a visit is productive and promotes healing. There are lots of times when a visit facilitates a relationship or puts a positive spin to a lonely elder or needy nurse's day. There is sometimes an exchange of things intangible; their value high and precious. The frustration comes when you find yourself at a dead end, like a "no thru" street. It's after the emergency, over the ICU, past the rehabilatation and back to square one. As a home care nurse you see a lot of repeat problems, repetitive mistakes, continued neglect and sometimes ongoing abuse. Nurses like to heal. We like to help and teach and infuse our opinions and expertise onto our patients. I happen to be a nurse and a writer and someone who cannot keep my opinions and analysis to myself.

Ummm, sometimes that is unfortunate. I know that.

The hardest and biggest lesson I have learned in all my years in home care is acceptance. I can offer to help exterminate the mice or the roaches but I cannot make it a barrier to the care I am providing. I can't help notice a family's neglect of a helpless elderly individual, but all I can do is make a referral to the protective agency for the elderly and accept when the patient says they are OK and are not having any problems.

I am not sucuumbing. I am learning to accept that sometimes the way I see things is not the exact same ways all the other people involved see them. I am learning I have limits too. I am learning that sometimes my help is not wanted or appreciated.

It happened again this summer. I was in a few situations where I was trying to help and all I wound up feeling like was an enabler and even sometimes a facilitator of happenings where I really did not want to be included.

Again, I learned I do not need to worry about the whole world. I can offer myself here and there but I can also say No, or stay out of certain situations and worry about myself and my family more. THAT, I have a hard time doing. I naturally OFFER help, food, time, services..and NOT offering feels weird or against my nature but sometimes it is for the better. It helps me feel less taken advantage of..this also goes for my own kids. Through them I've learned to not offer open ended services..like "your friends can come down anytime they want"...because then I have teenagers here every day and night. I feel like the common courtesy of asking or thinking of another is forgotten. Then I changed my offer and explained the reasons. I think we all learned a lesson. I also learned that if a child (teenager or not) is not told than maybe he won't realize his actions. Lots of times people do not realize the reaction of others to their actions. So TELL I do. TOLD I did.

I realize their are lots of times people do things they want to do with the thought they are doing it for the benefit of their kids or their God or their community or their friends, when, in fact, they are doing it for themselves...and I find it unnerving that their thoughts are so stuck in martyrdom. All the while, not accepting the results of their actions or life choices.

I know someome who told me she was at the store buying groceries and the store made a mistake charging like 35 cents for a large container of iced tea instead of 3.50. When she realized this, she sent every person in her house to buy as many large iced teas as they could carry. We talked for a few minutes and then I mentioned on that particular Sunday I missed mass. I felt bad I hadn't made the time for church. This person proceeded to tell me how she would never miss mass, ever. She would feel way too guilty and upset. She saw no correlation between the first conversation and the next. I was dumb founded. This, in no way, excuses me from missing mass, but I wonder why I think of my mistakes and others think of their goodness. I wonder if it is not better to feel guilty into going to church than going because you want to go or because your need to feel God's presence and keep His commandments are important to you. I wonder about the reasons we do things, if it makes a difference to the actual meaning of what we are doing. Does it matter less or more?

If a mother is trying to appease an unhappy child because of a recent family decision, is her trying less significant because she is really trying to maintain a family happiness and a rationale for making that decision in the first place or is she really worried about her daughter's moods as she claims? If she was, she wouldn't have made the decision in the first place. I have to say, I do not think she is wrong in her decision (to move far from her last home) but I do disagree with the thought process that she is most worried about her daughter's happiness. In my eyes, she is worrying about her own happiness and if she would just accept it and state that and release the teenager from having to make her happy she'd be in a better place. I believe that.

I also learned that not everyone wants my opinion or advice. Imagine that! I do think we meet and get to know other people for reasons. I feel like we learn the lessons we need to learn through relationships. I have a friend who gets involved in every aspect of her friend's lives. She finds out information, she gives advice, she keeps track of everyones kids. She thinks she is be of service but actually she is so annoying she creates hard feelings.

I found that acceptance isn't the same as seeing things for how they really are...I find some think they accept situations but really are not seeing some of the it (those they are not accepting).

I think it is important for happiness to accept your situation for what it is....unless you can't accept it, then change it..sometimes we can't change anything and knowing that and accepting even that helps us.

I find some people bargain with acceptance. They try this and that, they proclaim sincerity and genuine altruistic measures but all it really boils down to is the inability to accept the situation for what it is and the focus becomes something other than the real issue.
Transference occurs and the scapegoat is enormous.

Why do people claim to feel a way they do not? Why are things so transparent to everyone else but the person experiencing the problem.

I am trying to learn to accept the blinders on other peoples eyes. I am trying to reach within a situation and share what I can, without getting too opinionated and emotional, and just be there if they need me.

and then again..if I don't speak up or rant and rave they will never see what they need to see...

OMG I am hopeless

Hopelessly learning to accept.

I searched for two days for my cell phone. My glasses were lost too. St. Anthony must have migraine from me alone. I am constantly ringing him. I found the cell phone is the kitchen drawer today. Thank you, St. Anthony. Sometimes, I feel like Mother Goose. She and that big goose would search for her glasses and bag for hours; she being a middle age airhead and he looking for a good meal as a reward.

It was very hot from very early this morning. My dog hid under the over sized chair in the sun room most of the day, a fluffy black tail the only visible sign of her. I was worried. Every now and then I'd call out her name. In response her tailed graced the hardwood floor back and forth a few times to let me know she was O.K.

My body is sore from running and biking. I could not bear the hot beach today. I stayed home and rummaged around the house all by myself for most of the day. The older kids came in and out on their way to the beach and to work. My youngest son is with his cousins in Ocean City and I am missing him terribly! Big glasses of ice water kept me from dehydrating. I could not go to the gym. After a couple of errands, Olive and I took a short nap. I felt better after a rest. An early dinner, shrimp fra diavolo over pasta, allowed me to enjoy the evening. I walked the boardwalk to stretch out my aches. Tuesday night, I ran the 2 miles stretch back and forth without seeing more than a handful of people. Tonight, the early weekend crowd was strolling, crowding my solitude. I watched while a dozen or so gray haired, hunched back elders climbed the walkway to the beach with beach chairs. I wondered what was going on. It was dark but the stars were bright and the moon shined high and wide over the ocean. I kept on walking since it takes much longer to walk than run. The breeze was gorgeous, a penance for the winter wind; it's piercing sting, it's overbearing nature. I was glad the sun was working on the other side of the world just now. A young girl, a very young girl, held a crying baby; a newborn. The girl looked tired and a bit depressed.

I refuse to feel incapable of walking, running, biking, or stair climbing. I am afraid of the day when I lose my breath crossing the street or feel overwhelmed by the ocean's tow. SOOOO, I find challenging adventures that eventually catch up with me every now and then and make me crabby. Today, I was crabby. Tonight, I was over being crabby. Yesterday, I biked about 23 miles through Margate and Longport, passed Somer's Point, over the bridge to Ocean City, around Ocean city and then back again. The point at the top of the bridge is scary but exhilarating. I was sorry I didn't have my camera and very glad I had a huge jug of iced water. Today, with the added heat, I was paying for it. Crabby. Why am I afraid of getting old?

On the walk back I noticed a couple sitting under a canopy on the boardwalk. They were facing each other, the man stroked the lady's face tracing her cheek bone and eye. He leaned in to kiss her. A quiet subtle kiss among a crowd can be very romantic. I stared as I whizzed by, amazed, they looked to be in their 80's. I almost started to cry. At that point on the beach I walked down to see what was going on. There were about a dozen or so elders swimming in the ocean in the dark! My tears turned into giggles.

I went back up to the boardwalk and hurried home. The young girl was sitting on a bench, the baby was fast asleep as the smashing waves and cradling breeze lulled her into dreams.

I looked up and saw a huge flag as big as some houses flapping away mighty and proud. I noticed a sign that I never saw before, it read: The Jersey Shore: KEEP IT PERFECT.

Mrs. Potter: loved it! LOL

I always loved Beatrix Potter's stories and illustrations and now the movie brought the author to life. Renee Zwelleger is great in it.
I understand perfectly how a drawing or painting comes to life. Many times those white pages or computer screen talk back to me. Many times. It is nice to know I'm not crazy.

SweetLand
A very sweet touching movie. Beautiful scenery