On Saturday mornings I have a hard time getting up, dressed and out the door. I have a hard time doing that any day, actually. One of the good things about my job is there a lot of work that is done at home and I can do that in the morning when I am clinging to my pajamas and home. I recently read a little book called Living La Dolce Vita. There are wonderful descriptions of Italians and Italian life in Italy by Raeleen D'Agostino Mautner (Ph D prepared psychologist). One passage told of the author inviting her grandmother for dinner but she declined. She said, "who will watch the house"? I knew exactly what that meant. We are in love with our homes no matter its size or shape or level of luxury.

I am proud to cook and eat the healthiest of foods and cuisines. I do have a hard time staying away from sweets. It really is genetic.
I rarely fry foods but a nicely breaded chicken cutlet fried crispy eaten with sauteed greens is a treat we all love. Breaded and fried cauliflower and shrimp are other favorites of mine. I'd rather cook and eat them at home so I know the oil is not reused a million times therefore decreasing the carcinogens. I rationalize some unhealthy eating by the need for me to grow gastronomically. It is a desire and a obsession with me. I also will do anything to make my kids love me (within reason). Resorting to trickery in the kitchen is within reason.

Today I made a fast beef minestrone soup and homemade egg rolls.
Recipes follow. Enjoy!

Minestrone

chopped left over steak in cubes
chopped onions, garlic
chopped carrots and celery
V8 juice
water
oil
frozen corn, edamane, lima beans
cabbage any kind
escarole
salt pepper garlic mrs dash

I used these ingredients because it is what I had in my refrigerator. Use what you have. Canned beans are also good.

Heat small amount of oil and add steak, onions, garlic, carrots and celery..sautee, add salt pepper and mrs dash
add enough water to cover and then enough V8 juice to provide a good amount of broth.
add chopped cabbage (I used nappa and savoy) about 2 cups
add escarole and frozen vegetables
cook for about 45 minutes
salt pepper

this is high in fiber and vitamins and really low in fat since the steak was already cooked and only a small amount is used.

Now for the egg rolls
these sound harder than they are and really serve a family with four grown boys or these would be good for a party (cook ahead of time, cut into 3-4 peices each on a diaganol and heat in a hot oven)

egg roll wrappers (sold at the supermarket)
nappa cabbage
carrots
cilantro (I love it and put it in anything I can)
3 TBS ground or powdered ginger and ground or powdered garlic
1 package of mixed mushrooms (I use the chinese kind) VERY nutritious
ground chicken or turkey (I used 4 chicken breasts: skinned)
daikon radish (use regular radish if you dont have daikon)

It is great if you can julienne all the vegetables (I am not that talented)..I just chop them up
Grind the chicken breasts in a food processor (works either before or after cooking)..you can grill them and then process or process raw and sautee with garlic and ginger. After cooling break apart with hands.
mix all chopped and ground ingredients together

I only cook the chicken, not the vegetables)
season everything separate and then once again after mixing..add a little more ginger and garlic powder

Lay out wrapper with point end facing you
fill at edge with about 1/4 cup of mixture
roll over and then bring in outer edges and roll until complete
use water to seal edge

heat canoli or peanut oil until hot and fry

4 regular chicken breasts filled 1 1/2 pacages of wrappers, yielding about 30 egg rolls

serve with peanut sauce, sweet chili sauce and hot chinese mustard on the side.

Time to go the gym!!!!!

Viva La Vida is a song by Coldplay.

The cover of the album is taken from a painting by Frida Kahlo (a favorite of mine).

My son had to do a paper on this song tonight. Yes, a paper! It was really intense. He had to relate the song to history and religion and analyze how the lyrics relate to both. I never heard this song before tonight. Antonio said it was really good and the instruments, especially the violin was really impressive along with the lyrics.

I love the violin! It is my favorite instrument.

My husband and I helped him with the paper. It started out as a real pain in the butt and took long but I also learned along with my son many things. The best was how sweet and smart he really is and how sad it is that he is growing up too fast.

I listened to the song on U tube..it is really good. The singer, Chris Martin, is married to Gwenyth Paltrow. I especially love her web site GOOP..all about life, home, cooking, recipes, and fun stuff...the new Martha Stewart only friendly and unstuffy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvgZkm1xWPE

www.goop.com

So tomorrow I am going back to work. My little respite is over.
I told my manager I am fine and she sent me a full schedule right away. I really needed a break, and not a vacation which, to me, is another job. I just needed to live my life without the stress of work and recover. It seemed to help.

I have interviewd and applied for a few different positions but am weary about giving up my freedom and autonomy for less stress. Will it be less stress? Probably not.

The one job really does sound interesting. It is a Care Coordinator which means you follow a floor full of patients from admission to discharge making sure the insurance company is approving the care they are getting and also setting up the needed equipment, medications and home care or rehabilitation when the patient is discharged. All of that is tedious BUT you get to do rounds with the doctors which is where you LEARN about everything..how they are treating each persons disease process and WHY.

There is a code book that gives parameters for how long a patient should stay in the hospital. The book really drills test results and blood work into your brain. Medications are discussed and the learning process goes on and on. I know I would like that part of the job. There is a lot of patient contact which I really do not want to give up.

BUT I'd be stuck in the hospital all day....decisions, decisions.

I am starting over with a new schedule and a fair amount of rest.
Being home I did a lot of cleaning and shopping and cooking. Everyone is still hungry the next day and the house gets dirty again. I fail to see the ongoing point of not doing anything else.
I am used to the satisfaction of a high productive day.

I will miss extra minutes (only minutes as everyone is busy) with my kids and a calmer attitude and psyche. I have been going to the gym regularly and really like that too.

We will see.....

I am enjoying my class too..Medical Ethics. It seems school is much nicer without working all day but somebody has to pay for these classes and that ain't cheap. My school charges 397.00 a credit. Isn't that ridiculous? My job pays for it. Isn't that nice?

I better stop complaining and get back to work!

Hopefully I will keep my momentum and write and exercise as much as I want...

I was thinking today about relationships and commitment.
It all started when my friend's daughter and her boyfriend broke up. I thought of those words..."broke up", "split" and even the word divorce. They sound like they hurt.

Isn't it a shame that something so nice could be so painful.

Dating is a trial and error period. It is the meaning of courtship. When two people are trying to get to know one another it is best to get to know one another deeply and profoundly. This is why I am against living together. Living together is just lazy courtship. The commitment level is not the same as being married no matter what those people say...when Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins broke up I wanted to say "I told you so". They always professed to be as committed to each other as those that are married. "A piece of paper doesn't make a difference." I dare to differ because the first step is to admit that you are promising to each other and to God that no matter what you do to each other you will honor and love and stand by your partner and the family you create. Just because you had failed marriage doesn't mean you can't commit to someone else ever!

They didn't even get to the first step. They say it isn't necessary. I say you can't know the commitment of marriage until you sign that paper and make those promises. Oh yeah, lots of people sign and promise and don't really think about it or mean it. Those persons aren't the best example. There are many who are married and divorce and for some it is the ones that never took it seriously and for others it ia a very painstankenly heartwrenchng decision to have to go to that partner and to God and say "I can't do this anymore",to admit that after all those promises and all the trying and love soemthing is so wrong that the bond needs to be broken. It is sort of like an infected wound..it needs to be scraped and broken in order to heal or a big pimple that just won't go away until it breaks and drains. Divorce is hard especially for those that were so serious about marriage. There isn't a relationship in the world that can WORK when one person is not fully committed or when one is committed to something more strongly outside of that sacred union. It can be tolerated and continued but not in a full real way.

That too is different than packing your suitcase and moving into another apartment...with no contract or ring or binding spiritual guidance. It looks more obviously fake.

It is like making a homemade cake and icing...from scratch. It is hard and makes a mess. Compare that to a 15.00 cake from the supermarket..the purple and green decorations look nice but stain your fingers and taste like something that was never meant to enter your body. Some say they are delicious. I never see that point. Others think it is great and fast and fun. I think they are all fooling themselves. The easy way is never usually the best way. Hard work and COMMITMENT make you more likely to make things work out and less likely to throw the leftovers away.

I guess Susan and Tim may have been divorced if they indeed got married. She doesn't have to worry about changing her name back this way. Were they really surprised? It seems as if they were half way out the door when they started.

I have always been independent especially when I was young. Satisfaction was wholeheartedly earned when I paid my own rent, bought my own car, and took myself out to dinner. During a courtship it never entered my mind to pay for dinner or for each of us to pay our own way, though. It wasn't done then and I liked the way the man seemingly lured me into his arms. Dating takes effort. Living together without marriage isn't so exciting unless you think buying the house and decorating is more exciting than creating a life long love contract with your soul mate. I would think it is easy to lose yourself to chores and bills and TV shows instead of making arrangements for dates and covnersations. If someone else is taking care of you and you are not married than you have a much higher place from which to fall. How can you trust someone that won't bind his trust in a serious loving lifetime commitment? How can he trust you if you won't?

It is NOT the same.

Some older women finding themselves divorced or alone will settle for a living together situation. Lots of times this is financially driven. Maybe they are smarter than me. But I think it must be a situation where you both don't mind the realization that you are not "the one" for each other. If these relationships grow in dependence over the years then if they fall apart it will be a mess for the one dependent on the other. It is necessary for all those involved to remain aware of that situation and be prepared.

I am a very all or nothing person. I would not be able to deal with a situation like that.

Again, dating is a trial and error period, a courtship. It is a time to get to know someone else and yourself. Getting too intimately involved without the serious commitment of marriage will set you up for heart ache and surprise. If the expectations of a couple is thought to be like a married couple then it only hurts more when you realize what you've gotten to know isn't what you want or isn't what your partner wants...there is room to easily change your mind no matter how many sofas you buy together.

Hopefully you'll know what you want before you make such a sacred and life long commitment to someone else. Hopefully your partner will glorify in the dedication you are setting forth before God and all of the people who love you. Nothing can make a person feel more special and nothing is as good as the real thing, the hard thing and the better thing.

When I look back at my wedding I see a much more niave person than I am now, a full romantic. I see my whole family and all of my friends surrounding me with love and good wishes. I see the church where only he and I stood before that priest and my heart and soul could not be more well intentioned. I remember my wishes and dreams and all the kids I wanted. I was fully aware of what I was giving up. Discovering each other and creating a family and a life would take the place of me discovering the world. Even this young, less wise girl knew no one can have everything and all good things take sacrifice. I knew this co-dependent realtionship would not be always so easy for me. I also knew that I was winding myself around a truly wonderful person that I felt I knew well and our relationship was based on the right things. Love filled the air and I knew it would hold me high like a hot air balloon through the clouds and sun and moonlight skies. Every now and then that balloon needs to be refilled with air but without committment it would may be too much work especially if I had to do it all myself.

Life is about learning. Dating is about learning about another and how you get along and how you feel. It is a time of learning about yourself too and what you need and want and what makes you really and truly happy and excited. Marriage is about wanting someone more than anything else and not being afraid to make an unchangeable contract. That is why it is called trust. It is a trust fund of love.

Tonight's dinner will be a stew of bacala with tomatoes, potatoes and capers baked in the oven with garlic, onion and olive oil until it is bubbly and fragrant. As it is pulled from the oven thick green olive oil will glisten at the dips and valleys in the baking dish.

Bacala cakes will be served on the side. They are made by breaking up the boiled bacala into a bowl, adding mashed boiled potatoes, black Italian olives, onion, garlic, parsley and salt and pepper. Form sort of a football shaped cake, dip in egg/cream and dredge in a breadcrumb mix (I use a mixture of fresh breadcrumb, grainy corn meal, and panko flakes and a little locatelli cheese, Italian seasoning and salt and pepper) then fry in vegetable oil...serve hot.
A large crusty Italian bread and a big salad balance everything out.

bacala:

Baccalà is salt cod sold by the slab: An unlikely food to get excited over. Indeed, for much of its history nobody did; it was cheap and kept very well, which made it an ideal food for the poor, and for others too when Friday loomed and no fresh fish was available. Artusi, in presenting recipes for baccalà in his Scienza in Cucina, repeatedly warns his diners not to expect miracles. However, there are more recipes for it than for almost any other kind of fish, a sure indication that it met with his favor.

And well it might -- well-cooked baccalà is a delight: Firm, slightly chewy, and not at all fishy in flavor. Italians import baccalà, and though most now comes from Norway, some hold that its roots lie with the Portuguese. In any case, the traditional technique for producing high quality baccalà is to take cod from three to six feet long, spit them, salt them for about ten days, and partially dry them. There are a number of different grades of baccalà; today the best is made from fish caught off Labrador.

Since it is salted, all baccalà requires soaking before it can be used. Italian delicatessens sell pre-soaked baccalà on Fridays, but I prefer to buy it and soak it myself -- it's cheaper, and I can select the piece I want and tailor the soaking to fit it. Salted baccalà comes 1/2 to 1-inch thick, in 3 to 6-inch wide slats that are 12 to 18 inches long (7-15 by 30-45 cm), and are white on the flesh side. The flesh should be pliable, compact, and not feel woody; you should try to select a piece of uniform thickness so it will soak evenly. To prepare it, rinse the salt off it and soak it in cold water for 12 or more hours, depending upon its thickness (refrigerate it in hot weather), changing the water 2-3 times daily. Once it has soaked skin it, pick out the bones, and it's ready for use.

(By Kyle Phillips, About.com Guide)